Can't pick and choose

Back again, but maybe more relevant than ever. Also, as always: 7 other things worth reading today.

Folks, I’ve now been writing this newsletter for half a decade. Time flies! I plan a few improvements after the holidays, but in the short-term I’m going to take a break while I travel with my family for Thanksgiving.

Before I leave, I’d like to thank you for being here — you, personally.

Whether you’ve been here from the very start, or just joined today, or somewhere in between, I really appreciate your support. It would be lonely writing this if nobody read it!

In advance of Thanksgiving, I wanted to re-share something I wrote about here five years ago. It’s one of the best descriptions of what true gratitude is really about, and I’ve come back to it many times.

Comedy = tragedy + time

You probably know Stephen Colbert from his work as the host of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert on CBS. However, you might not know some of the tragedies he's endured during his life. 

Largest among them is that when he was 10 years old, he lost his father and two of his brothers when they were killed in a plane crash. 

I can't even imagine. Given how funny Colbert can be now, it makes me think of a quote by the late Steve Allen:

"Comedy is tragedy plus time."

But now, there's another quote to focus on.

It’s from an interview Colbert did with Anderson Cooper in 2019:

Cooper: "You told an interviewer that you have learned to, in your words, 'love the thing that I most wish had not happened.' You went on to say, 'What punishments of God are not gifts?' Do you really believe that?"

Colbert: "Yes. It's a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. There's no escaping that."

Holistic acceptance and gratitude

Colbert continued, speaking specifically of his father's and brothers' deaths:

I don't want it to have happened. I want it to not have happened, but if you are grateful for your life … then you have to be grateful for all of it.

You can't pick and choose what you're grateful for.

So, what do you get from loss? You get awareness of other people's loss, which allows you to connect with that other person, which allows you to love more deeply and to understand what it's like to be a human being, if it's true that all humans suffer.

Gratitude. Literally every scientific study I've ever found on happiness talks about practicing gratitude. 

But what Colbert talks about here goes beyond that.

It's a holistic acceptance and a gratefulness that I've rarely seen articulated.

And while I'm fortunate not to have lost loved ones at a young age as he did, I think I can understand it.

Find a way to be grateful

Of course there are bad things that have happened in my life. Some were very painful.

But the easiest way for me to kind of synthesize this with Colbert is to ask:

• Without them, would I be who I am today?

• Would I be me?

• Would I be with my wife?

• Would I be the father to my daughter?

• Would I have written this article and had the privilege of holding your attention for a little bit?

And if I'm grateful for all of that, how can I try to carve out the memories I don't like so much—the kids who bullied me in eighth or ninth grade, the unlucky financial decisions I made, or the mistakes I made in relationships that didn't turn out for the best? 

I’m sure you have your own bad memories to fit in that framework, along with the good ones.

Can you find a way to be grateful for all of them?

Gratitude, human connection, relationships. Literally, these are the bedrock of happiness.

They're incredibly difficult to achieve. Heck, it's hard even just to articulate them. 

And that's what makes it all so poignant.

Here's the video:

Anderson Cooper 360° @AC360

You said "what punishment of gods are not gifts. Do you really believe that?" @andersoncooper, choking back tears, asks Stephen Colbert, as they discuss grief. "Yes," replies the comedian. "It's a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There's no escaping that."

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I’ll see you after the weekend.

Actually, I have a request. This newsletter is on Substack, and for some reason, Substack no longer lets me see my stats and history since before about two years ago.

If you’ve been here longer than that, let me know in a comment. Thank you!

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7 other things worth reading today:

1. Canada's postal service is entering the second week of a system-wide strike that threatens to damage small businesses significantly, with no end in sight. "For some of these organizations and these businesses, November, December is typically their busiest, most critical season for revenue and profit, accounting for 30 to 50 percent of their annual online sales," said a Toronto trade spokesperson. (CBC)

2. More from Canada: They're bracing for a surge of immigrants to cross the United States’ northern border as President-elect Donald Trump continues to press for the largest domestic deportation in American history after he takes office in January. Officials are preparing to add more border patrols and vehicles and plan to set up emergency reception facilities along the border of New York state and the province of Quebec. (The Hill)

3. Haiti’s armed-gang crisis just got worse — and even more complicated. A new report by the United Nations’ leading child welfare agency, UNICEF, says the number of children being recruited by the country’s violent gangs has soared by 70% in the last year. (Miami Herald)

4. Bird flu virus has been found in a batch of raw (unpasteurized) milk sold in California, prompting a recall issued at the state's request, health officials announced over the weekend. A company representative called the contamination "not a big deal" and emphasized that the recall is only being done out of an abundance of caution. (Ars Technica)

5. A South Korean man has been sentenced to a suspended two-year prison term for deliberately gaining more than 40 pounds in an attempt to evade a tougher role in the country’s military conscription system. In South Korea, all able-bodied men must serve in the military for 18-21 months, but individuals with health issues can instead carry out their duties at non-military facilities such as welfare centers and community service centers. (AP)

6. Seems topical for Thanksgiving: Parents are not to blame for their children’s picky eating, study finds. (PsyPost)

7. Might be the most controversial and comment-generating link all year, who knows? Wondering about the best way to cook a turkey so the skin is crispy, both white and dark meat are juicy, and the bird’s internal temperature meets food safety standards? You’ve come to the right place. (Epicurious)

Photo is a screenshot from the video, hopefully Colbert and Cooper won’t sue me. Ideas and feedback actively solicited. Be excellent to each other. See you in the comments.