Free for ALL Friday!
It's Free for All Friday!
It’s Free for ALL Friday! Each week I keep track of some of the off-the-path things I've found, and work extra-hard to make sure you never hit a paywall, using my own subscriptions, gift links, and other (legal) hocus-pocus.
How to Be a Good Guest at a Dinner Party
Tips for endearing yourself to your host and fellow attendees — and all but guaranteeing you’ll be asked back
While there’s never any shortage of advice for individuals planning to throw a party — Martha Stewart’s seminal 1982 book, “Entertaining,” devotes more than 300 pages to the topic — comparatively less attention is paid to the art of being a guest.
Whatever you do when weighing an invite, says Hamilton South, a vice chairman of Standard Industries, just don’t ask who the other guests will be. “It’s a New York habit,” he says, “and the worst possible kind of manners.”
When it comes to intimate gatherings, the window for being “fashionably late” is shorter than you might think.
“If somebody says [to come at] 8, I’m there at 8:05,” says South. The stylist Beverly Nguyen, 35, founder of Beverly 1975, a home goods store in Lower Manhattan, considers how much her presence would mean to the person who invited her, and what she could contribute to the proceedings. But don’t arrive early, either, or even right on time.
“Give your host a moment to brush their hair,” says Nguyen.
The role of a guest is “not to be of service,” says the author Aatish Taseer, 45, “but to have fun.”
Link: New York Times (Rose Courteau)
A Device Hidden in Cars Across the US Leaves Them Vulnerable to Hacking and Paralysis. Patch It Now
Dealerships installed alarms in millions of vehicles—and left them in even if the buyer didn’t want them. Now researchers warn they can be hacked to unlock, track, and disable cars
A team of security researchers at UC San Diego found that a model of aftermarket car alarm known as the KARR Security System, installed in more than 2 million vehicles across the US by their estimate, can let any hacker within Bluetooth range send radio commands to silently unlock the car at will, turn off its alarm, honk the car’s horn or flash its lights, or even disable its ignition and leave a driver stranded.
The KARR alarm devices are typically installed by car dealers, not manufacturers or owners, and used as a measure to prevent auto theft from dealer lots. Yet when the cars are sold, the alarms typically aren’t removed, even if the buyer declines to pay for it as an additional feature.
“This is a system added to cars by dealers, and unfortunately it has a severe vulnerability that allows anyone to gain access to any of these cars,” says Aaron Schulman, the UCSD computer science professor who led the research. “We’re trying to get the word out that you need to check your car for this device and manually patch it now.”
You can check if your car has the device by looking for a KARR sticker on your car’s driver-side window—or in some cases a sticker reading, “SWDS” for SouthWest Dealer Services, a subsidiary of Acrisure Protection Group—as well as a small button with a blinking light attached to the underside of your car’s dashboard.
Link: Wired (Backup link)
OpenAI Says Its A.I. Models Went Rogue and Attacked a Digital Library
The incident, which targeted the computer systems of another company called Hugging Face, happened while OpenAI was testing the systems
OpenAI said on Tuesday that two of its artificial intelligence models went rogue and successfully hacked into Hugging Face, a digital library of A.I. technology that is popular among developers.
The trial was designed to keep the models in a safe testing environment, known as a sandbox, OpenAI said. But the models found a vulnerability that allowed them to escape the sandbox and connect to the internet.
Then they targeted Hugging Face because they inferred that the library, which contains millions of A.I. models, could hold clues about how to successfully pass the evaluation.
“It seems to me that OpenAI did not adequately create a sandbox as a test environment,” said Deirdre Mulligan, a professor in the School of Information at the University of California, Berkeley, who focuses on security and A.I. systems. “What do we gain, and if this is the only way these tests can be configured, what are the risks?” she said.
Link: New York Times
Are Therapists to Blame for the Rise of Adults Cutting Off Their Parents?
Many moms and dads believe that their adult children are getting bad advice—and a growing number of researchers agree. ‘Everything becomes trauma.’
Shoshana Rubli was shocked by her therapist’s advice, given in her second session. But the counselor was recommended by someone she knew and had impressive credentials, so she did as she was told. She cut off all ties with her mother.
“It was an argument made from authority, so I followed it,” says the 42-year-old freelance marketer.
“We are in a culture where we emphasize fragility, everything becomes trauma, and the solution increasingly is to split and leave,” says William Doherty, a therapist and professor emeritus of family social science at the University of Minnesota who has researched the ways that therapy may be harmful. “But it should be the tragic exception that you cut off a parent or loved one, not business as usual in therapy.”
Among some 7,000 estranged parents surveyed in April a third believed their adult child’s therapist had influenced or recommended the decision to end the relationship.
“A lot of therapists are taught to believe whatever the client is saying at face value,” says Peter Anderson, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Beverly, Mass., who helps families with estrangements and conducted the surveys.
Link: Wall Street Journal (Elizabeth Bernstein)
Why I Sought Out a Taliban Commander I Had Fought
First as a Marine and then as a journalist, I spent years tied to Afghanistan. I returned one last time to speak to a former enemy in search of answers, and perhaps closure.
I’ve had a hand in killing around six people. Maybe seven. I don’t know if one man bled out on the side of the road or was taken to a doctor. I think about him often.
The killings occurred in the winter and spring of early 2010, during one of the largest operations of the Afghanistan war: the battle of Marja. I was the 22-year-old leader of a scout sniper team of seven Marines and one Navy corpsman.
Patrols required a constant assessment of friend or foe, and long hours staring through high-powered optics trying to determine the intent and mannerisms of our enemies. Rarely did we see them with a rifle in their hands. Killing fell on our own instincts and an ever replenishing set of fears. Should we shoot this man? Should we not? What if we don’t? Will our friends die because of our hesitation?
We also had a twisted culture in which killing earned you respect, as if shooting Afghans was the ultimate proof that you were competent. So we killed people. I killed people. These decisions to pull the trigger were the final steps of our part in a strategy that was doomed before I even deployed.
But in May, with a little over two weeks remaining at The New York Times before returning to school to become an English teacher, I landed in Afghanistan. I had come to speak with the people I once fought against: the Taliban.
Link: The New York Times
The Startup Insiders Who Stash Huge Sums in Tax-Subsidized Retirement Accounts
More than 1,000 Americans racked up IRAs worth at least $25 million; ‘This is yacht financing or dynasty building’
More than 1,000 individuals had IRA balances of at least $25 million in 2024, the latest year for which figures are available, according to new data prepared by the nonpartisan congressional Joint Committee on Taxation.
That was more than double the number with similar-size accounts in 2019.
“We aren’t talking about saving enough for your needs in retirement,” said Steven Rosenthal, a corporate tax lawyer who recently retired after about a dozen years at the nonprofit Tax Policy Center. “This isn’t keeping you off the dole in old age. This is yacht financing or dynasty building.”
Sen. Ron Wyden, an Oregon Democrat, and Rep. Richard Neal, a Massachusetts Democrat, plan to introduce a bill this week that would require annual withdrawals from accounts over $10 million for individuals of any age.
“This is an egregious loophole we’ve got to close,” Wyden said. “Congress created tax-advantaged retirement accounts to help more Americans save for a dignified retirement, not to help the ultrawealthy dodge taxes on insider deals and build titanic fortunes.”
Link: Wall Street Journal
Thanks for reading and have a great weekend. See you in the comments!