I'd love to hear what you think

But can I ask you a couple of questions?

Here’s something I haven’t done in a while. I used to create and adapt some of these “best practices” language newsletters, give a few of my ideas, and open it up to other suggestions.

Sometimes they get quite robust. So let’s give one a try.

The subject today is persuasiveness. I like to keep lists for articles like these of key phrases that I see people using over and over to accomplish certain goals, and this is from my “persuasive words” list.

Below, I'll list seven of these go-to phrases, along with a quick but vital final note on the secret sauce that holds them all together. Then you can judge how persuasive I've been, and offer others you might have noticed (in the comments, I’d hope!).

1. "Can I ask you a couple of questions?"

Ever wondered how to identify good advice? Count the number of questions someone asks you before they suggest what they think you ought to do.

I think it also leads people to be more likely to be open to persuasion if the other person in a conversation takes the time to ask questions before making an argument.

Extra trick: It works doubly so if you ask permission to ask the questions, then ask the questions, and then give the advice.

2. "I'd love to hear what you think."

We all like to be asked our opinions. Heck, even just writing that phrase as part of this newsletter, I felt a little bit of an ego boost.

It also builds on the first question, because it's an invitation. No need to hold back, no need to worry you're taking too much of my time; I'm telling you flat out that I want to know what you think.

3. "I think you're going to find this interesting."

When someone starts to explain something to you, you'll often find yourself focused on a key question:

Do I want to encourage this discussion?

Or am I going to want to end this conversation as soon as possible?

It all happens in a split second, and being reassured at the least that the other person in a conversation thinks that what they're saying will have value to you, specifically, can act like a finger on the scale that leads you to decide: OK, I'll hear this person out.

Allow me to offer a bit of a hat tip on this one: I never would have believed this phrase worked so well, except that I watched my wife's uncle use it effectively on many occasions. He had a long and successful career in sales; one time he told me he basically paid for his house with that phrase.

4. "You might not have known this, but ... "

Key point: Whatever comes after the ellipsis in that phrase, make sure it's a positive, perhaps unexpected compliment to the other person. Examples might be things like:

• "You might not have known this, but the newer people on our team really look up to you."

• "You might not have known this, but you have a reputation as one of the most reliable people around."

• "You might not have known this, but the ideas you came up with during our last training really improved a lot of people's lives."

We all deal with insecurity sometimes. So when you tell someone something that you suggest they might not even know--and it turns out to be a compliment--that's a shot in the arm.

They come away feeling good about themselves, and about you, and a bit more willing to hear whatever else you might have to say.

5. "Can I ask you a favor?"

I love this one because it's potentially counterintuitive; how can asking someone else to do something for you improve your ability to persuade them to do something else?

Ben Franklin came up with the theory more than 200 years ago, and it might have to do with cognitive dissonance. In short, we're more likely to do favors for people we like and respect, and so the very fact of doing a favor (or maybe even considering one) can convince us that we like and respect the other person.

Added twist: If someone asks you a favor, you're likely to reply yes, meaning, "OK, tell me the favor."

But we all know that often, replying yes to the initial question also makes it linguistically seamless to continue being agreeable, and agree to the favor itself.

6. "I'm sorry, but the answer is no."

Persuasive people understand that attempting to convince someone of something is a negotiation; you must also know what you're willing to be persuaded of, yourself.

Sometimes, you're likely to reach the limit, and the clearest way to mark it is with a polite but firm no.

Ironically, "no" can also be the simplest way to get what you want. Often, the other side in a negotiation simply wants to ensure that they've left nothing on the table. Saying no can indicate that they've reached that point, and get them to agree without further concessions.

7. Absolutely nothing.

This one isn't in quotes, because sometimes it's the toughest thing to say: absolutely nothing.

But, sometimes silence is your friend, especially when the other side in a conversation feels the compulsion to fill it. Scientifically, the sweet spot is around four seconds. Get to that point, and social pressure suggests someone -- anyone -- needs to fill the quiet.

Bonus content

Let's think back about what each of these phrases is designed to do:

1. "Can I ask you a couple of questions?" provides reassurance and inspires comfort.

2. "I'd love to hear what you think" offers a willing ear and respect.

3. "I think you're going to find this interesting" offers attention and a feeling of individualization.

4. "You might not have known this, but ... " is one of the most manipulative of these phrases, so please use it only for good; it leverages insecurity and rewards with confidence.

5. "Can I ask you a favor?" offers respect and potentially friendship.

6. "I'm sorry, but the answer is no" demonstrates confidence, boundaries, and reassurance.

7. Saying absolutely nothing, as we've seen, leverages social insecurity and offers opportunity.

In short, they're all uses of emotional intelligence -- leveraging people's emotions in order to improve the odds of achieving your goals.

So can I ask you a favor? Let me know if you found this persuasive, and share other ideas in the comments. I'd love to hear what you think.

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Planning ahead …

I know I said this yesterday but why not try again? Instead of going dark on vacation next week, I like to share new takes on some of our greatest hits over the years, which I call “Low Power Mode.”

If you’ve been here a while, and you remember a particular story you’d like to see us revisit, please reply to this email and make a suggestion! Thanks for reading!

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7 other things

• Realtors across the US are bracing for a seismic shift in the way they do business. Starting August 17, as part of a $418 million settlement announced in March by the powerful trade group the National Association of Realtors, we'll see the end of informal rules that ensured the industry’s traditional payment structure, where home sellers were typically on the hook to pay a 5% or 6% commission. (Bloomberg).

• Struggling Starbucks ditched CEO Laxman Narasimhan effective immediately, and brought in a new leader: Brian Niccol, who has most recently been the CEO of Chipotle. The coffee chain's stock is down 17% for the year, and it's engaged in negotiations with an activist investor. (Starbucks)

• The big debate in media right now is over the fact that three news outlets, Politico, The New York Times and The Washington Post, were leaked confidential material from inside the Donald Trump campaign earlier this year, including its report vetting JD Vance as a vice presidential candidate, and each has refused to reveal any details so far. Their decisions stand in contrast to the 2016 presidential campaign, when a Russian hack exposed campaign emails from the Hillary Clinton campaign manager, and mainstream news organizations covered them avidly. (AP)

• President Trump now has a secret weapon in his bid to reach Gen Z voters: his youngest son Barron, 18, and the teen's influencer best friend Bo Loudon, 17. They are now acting as a de-facto social media outreach team, according to DailyMail.com sources, wooing online stars who older aides might have never heard of to the Trump cause. (Daily Mail)

• Foreign investors pulled a record $15 billion from China last quarter, likely reflecting deep pessimism about the world’s second-largest economy. Should the decline continue for the rest of the year, it would be the first annual net outflow since at least 1990, when data recording began. (Bloomberg)

• Stars from Hollywood’s golden age are being reborn through celebrity estate AI voice cloning deals. ElevenLabs, an audio technology startup funded by venture capital firms including Andreessen Horowitz and Sequoia has penned multiple deals with the estates of legendary actors including Burt Reynolds, Judy Garland, James Dean and Sir Laurence Olivier. (CNBC)

• The New York radio scene is about to undergo a drastic change. After nearly 60 years, the 24-hour all-news station, WCBS Newsradio 880 AM, will come to an end as its parent company reached a deal to license the frequency to ESPN New York. (New York Post)

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Thanks for reading. Photo generated by AI, which I don’t love but it was worth a try. I wrote about some of this before at Inc.com. See you in the comments.