Let me tell you about my grandkids
It's not just the hot chocolate; it's neurological. Also, 7 other things worth knowing today.
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Grandma!
Today’s newsletter is for anyone who has children. Or grandchildren.
Or else, anyone who has ever been a child or a grandchild.
Or, for that matter, anyone who is at least familiar with the concept of children and grandchildren.
It has its roots in my recent and perennial experience, but it apparently also has its roots in science.
Let me tell it this way: Between Christmas and New Year’s recently, my wife, our daughter, and I stayed at my wife’s parents’ house in New Hampshire.
It was a great time; always is. But of course, as much as I enjoy it (I do; my in-laws are great!), my daughter enjoys it more. And what’s not to enjoy?
I asked her for her take last night:
First, Grandma lets her have hot chocolate with marshmallows at breakfast. Also, ice cream, almost every day.
Next, Grandma always plays with her, including LEGOs (on the floor, mind you, who does that?) and charades. Plus, Grandma never gets to do the acting-out, just the guessing.
Also, Grandma lets her help bake things, and she never says she can’t play with her because she has to work.
Oh man, that last one got me right in the “Cat’s in the Cradle.” :) (By the way, my daughter’s answers have been edited for clarity and length.)
But I can understand where she’s coming from. Also, if I may add an observation: Grandma and my daughter are both (apparently) happy to get up much earlier in the morning than my wife and I would, if we were left to our own devices.
Apropos of nothing.
Anyway, now I also have science on my side. I give you: “The neural correlates of grandmaternal caregiving,” published late last year in Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences.
You’ve probably already read it, I’m sure. But just in case, allow me to summarize for you (via CNN):
You know that special bond your mother seems to have with your kids? The one she doesn't seem to have with anyone else—even you?
You're not just imagining it, according to a new study.
Unlike other primates, humans rely on one another to help raise their children, and often those offspring do better when they have other adults, like their grandmothers, involved in their lives, said lead study author James Rilling, a professor of anthropology and professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University in Atlanta.
The importance of grandmothers can be traced neurologically, this study suggests. Researchers found that grandmothers shown images of their biological grandchildren had a neurological response in the areas of their brain that are important for emotional empathy and motivation.
The study involved 50 grandmothers who reported having good relationships with their children and grandchildren, and who agreed to have their brains mapped via functional magnetic resonance imaging to determine their hard-wired responses to seeing photos of four people:
their grandchild
another child they did not know
an adult they did not know
the same-sex parent of their grandchild
The results: grandmothers displayed more cognitive empathy (“understanding what someone is thinking or feeling and why”) when looking at their biological children and in-laws, and more emotional empathy (“feeling the emotions that another person is feeling”) when looking at their grandchildren.
So, if the study is right, the relationship between children and grandmothers (at least; I’m not aware of a grandfather study) is simply different, and it’s deeper than we could have known.
Honestly, I’m glad it’s more than the hot chocolate and LEGOs.
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7 other things worth knowing today
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is facing calls from some members of his own Conservative party to resign, after he admitted “attending a drinks party during lockdown.” Johnson apologized and said he understood the public's "rage" over it. Meanwhile, Ryanair has been having an awful lot of fun with the scandal. (BBC, CNN)
The US inflation report for December showed a 7% annual rise, the highest in almost 40 years. The big question: Is this just a temporary situation due to COVID and supply chain issues, or something else? A group of 69 economists in the Wall Street Journal mostly (but not unanimously) say “temporary.” (WSJ, $)
A good way to find your keys? Or a scary stalking tool? Apple’s AirTags may be the new favorite tool of car thieves and other criminals. (NBC News)
The US Army is offering a maximum enlistment bonus of $50,000 to highly skilled recruits who join for six years for the first time, as the service struggles to lure soldiers into certain critical jobs during the continuing pandemic. (AP)
A new startup plans to send objects like art and precious gems into space and then auction them off back on earth. And, of course, NFTs are involved…somehow… (Futurism)
Just in time for Veganuary: People who follow a plant-based diet take fewer medications as they age, according to a new study. (MindBodyGreen)
Why it seems harder to make new friends as you get older. This story is a bit pretentious, but I found some good insights in it. Thoughts? (The Atlantic, via MSN)
Thanks for reading. Photo credit: Pixabay. Want to see all my mistakes? Click here.
Bill, this is a great read for me. My children's mother (now deceased) demonstrated the same affinity for the grandkids. She was deeply critical of our oldest child, Alan, and tolerated his sister, Lori, and younger brother, Steve, but adored their children. I am living "proof" that the same relationship can exist between grandpa and grandchildren. My children? I love them dearly. My grandchildren? A source of pure joy whenever they're around. My grandkids Karina, Eric, Rochelle, Claire, and Rachel, are sheer delights (who can do nothing wrong or bad). I would normally assume that the reason for this contrast is that children, while wonderful additions to the family, are also often troublesome, but grandkids can be returned to the parents whenever they become difficult (if ever). But my own experience with my youngest granddaughter belies that assumption. Her mother, Lori, is a single mother. When she had to return to work after five months of maternity leave, I parented her daughter five 10-hour days a week for almost two years. Rachel was a fairly difficult infant, but we had a fabulous time. I made her laugh throughout every day, she napped on my shoulder and I napped with her, and I fed and cared for her needs all day. Very different from my experiences with my own children, even when I played with them!
Thumbs high up! I never had any desire to be a grandmother, so when it happened, even I was amazed at the feelings that child generated in me. In fact, as I was looking, just yesterday, at a picture of young Jake taken over the holidays, I noticed the happiness flow through me and wondered if there is an oxytocin effect going on!