OK, Murph, you find yourself in a familiar position ...

Did you know I sometimes refer to myself as "Murph?" That will become relevant below.

No “low power mode today;” for once I’m ahead of schedule! Plus, I have a good study to share.

Also, please try to feel the excitement with me as I get ready to unveil some new, extra newsletters coming to the Understandably family—and extra value for the people whose support have gotten us here so far!

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You know you’ve been here before!

Does your inner voice sometimes seem like it’s not even on your side?

Well, what if I told you that there are simple strategies to turn that challenge into advantages — and even better, that it’s all backed by the research of a neuroscientist from the University of Michigan?

That would be Ethan Kross, director of the university’s Emotion and Self-Control Lab, and the man behind a simple but instructive TED Talk last fall on how to leverage your inner voice to make it more likely you’ll achieve your goals.

As Kross tells the tale, human beings spend at least one-third of their time focused on either the past or the future; in other words, not living in the moment. And we spend more of that time than we might realize engaged in silent conversations with ourselves.

Some of these silent conversations are useful and positive: things like silently repeating the items on your grocery list, or thinking through a plan, or motivating yourself.

And, there’s also the grander scale self-talk: things that help us make sense of the world and create our identity.

But there’s also a dark side, as Kross calls it: the kind of negative thought loops and chatter that allow emotions to overcome us — consuming attention, harming relationships, and even creating health problems by prolonging stress.

So, how do you manage the negative impact of your inner voice — the “chatter” — without giving up the positive parts? We have three simple strategies.

Use the second person

I like this first technique the most, and frankly it sort of justifies a weird habit that I already have.

Rather than having a one-sided conversation with yourself, create two-sided narratives, and literally address yourself by name and use second-person pronouns.

This technique is called “distanced self-talk,” and Kross says it works because people are better at giving advice than they are at taking their own advice.

Very meta and familiar example:

• Not: “I’ve done it to myself again, left everything to the last minute. I don’t know why I can’t get organized! I’m never going to finish!”

• But instead: “OK, Murph, you find yourself in a familiar position, working against a deadline. Long term, we need to work on this — but for now, you know you’ve been here before, you’ve made it work, and you’ll do it again. Get going.”

Work with other people

Technique number 2 is actually a bit more complicated than it sounds: Getting advice from others.

That’s because not everyone gives good advice. Also, either through politeness, or lack of interest, or many other reasons, people might be inclined simply to let you vent your feelings—but not help you work through whatever is holding you up.

Paradoxically, you can wind up feeling better about the other person, but also find yourself no closer to a solution.

So, as Kross puts it: “think really carefully about who your chatter advisers are. They should be people who both listen and advise.”

(My favorite cheat sheet when asking for advice is to count how many questions someone asks; all else being equal, more questions probably means a better attempt to give advice.)

Find some awe

Finally, there’s the “awe” factor—looking for a sense of wonder and unity that can help to turn down the inner voice when it’s not being helpful.

Oddly enough—and coming soon to a separate newsletter or column near you—another recent study out of the University of Rochester finds that parents who take pride and more importantly find “awe” in their children’s development wind up happier and better at the job of parenting itself.

“When we experience this emotion of awe,” Kross puts it, “it leads to what we call a shrinking of the self. We feel smaller when we’re contemplating something vast and indescribable, and when we feel smaller, so does our chatter.”

There you go: Find some awe, ask questions, and walk around addressing having conversations with yourself like a crazy person. They may sound like simple solutions, but if they work—who are we to judge?

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7 other things worth knowing today

• Pope Francis will be laid to rest Saturday after lying in state for three days in St. Peter’s Basilica. The cardinals also met Tuesday in the Vatican’s synod hall to chart the next steps before a conclave begins to choose Francis’ successor. The cardinals set the funeral for Saturday at 10 a.m. in St. Peter’s Square. U.S. President Donald Trump said he and first lady Melania Trump plan to attend, and Argentine President Javier Milei is also expected. (Associated Press)

• Tesla’s quarterly earnings plunged by 71 percent compared to the first quarter of 2024, the company announced Tuesday, a bruising result that comes amid widespread backlash against CEO Elon Musk and his work with the Trump administration. I also wrote a take on this for Inc. (The Washington Post; me on Inc.com)

• Starting May 5, the U.S. Department of Education will begin collection activities against about 5 million Americans who have defaulted on student loans. Collections are typically done through wage garnishments; debts will be collected from borrowers who haven't paid their loans in at least 270 days. (ABC News)

• Longer hair, nails at home, fewer facials: How economic warning signs are flashing at the salon. (NBC News)

• Skip the summer crowds at these 9 underrated U.S. beaches. I can vouch for number 5, Assateague Island, Maryland. Big fan. (Afar)

• 13 times you should never use an extension cord, according to electricians. (Martha Stewart)

• Here's what happened during the 129th Boston Marathon. (WBUR Boston)

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Thanks for reading. Photo by Unsplash. I wrote about some of this before at Inc.com. See you in the comments!