At least you're willing to live in Malibu for four years so your kid can have a true college experience and all that means. I'm not surprised Cooper didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with his pro-career-obsessed helicopter, freeloading parents.
Part of wanting the best for your kids is keeping priorities straight.
It seems we have become a society that raises children rather than adults. Between helicopter parents, going on job interviews with 18 year old (+) young adults, participation ribbons, moving “kids” into dorm rooms, and now actually moving with students to their college town - the list is an endless parade of parents living life through their offspring.
I suspect the Flagg family moved in part to protect their investment. Cooper is only 18 (born 12/21/2006) so 17 when he started college. Male brains don’t fully mature until the 25-30 year time period. It will be interesting to see how he is managed should he enter the draft this year and how the money and influence of other players will impact his development into an adult.
guess this article is limited to parents of 1 child-families. Altho as Lydia has already commented, I don't see it as a good trait for parents to have such an "obsessed" attachment to want to follow after a child. It would truly be tragic if parents chose to follow-after a star-studded child & uproot other siblings.
When I was looking to re-locate, I knew I didn't want to live in any of the 3 states where my 3 sons lived, for various reasons, so chose a state somewhat in-between. I moved to this state when I was 65 & didn't know anyone. It was a perfect choice FOR ME.
Bill, a question about Monday's 'Big Optimism' - the last few Mondays I haven't seen a "comment button". ??? Is it my viewing error, or is this happening to others?
Yeah. Bill. Please don’t follow your daughter to college. I loved my parents. Heck, I even spent my birthday eve celebrating the New Year with them just before I turned 21. (back then 18 was the legal age)
But. I would have really been pissed if they had followed me to college. Cut them loose for Heaven’s sake!
We moved both our daughters to Hawaii when things at home reached a breaking point. Our older daughter was in a toxic relationship that could’ve derailed her life. She enrolled in the state university. Our younger daughter started 8th grade at a small private girls’ school. It was a huge, expensive change — but we made it for them.
It was all on our dime. No guarantees. Just a belief that our kids deserved a better path. Today, one flies for the military. The other is a project manager with dual citizenship in France.
I don’t judge families who relocate to support their kids — especially someone like Flagg. Stability, support, and being close during those high-pressure years can make all the difference. There are a lot of wrong turns a kid can take. Sometimes, parents have to go all-in to keep the road clear.
It sounds like you moved to help your kids learn and grow as opposed to following them to college and smother them with excessive parenting. I see that as a good thing!!
Unsure why anyone needs their parents to move with them for college. Kids have to make mistakes to grow. They can’t do that with mom and day handling everything.
I have 3 kids, twin boys and a girl. When they were in high school and preparing for college, I actually made sure I will not be a helicopter parent. I live in San Diego and 2 of my kids stayed in CA (though out of San Diego), and 1 went to New York. They all wanted to be "far" from home and to make their own decisions about their personal lives and future, with me just supporting them in the background. They all graduated from their respective schools and now working professionals. Parents need to let their kids build their wings to fly even at a young age.
We raised a Pharmacist and Software Engineer. Did none of their homework, they had part time jobs thru high school and were in extracurriculars. All we did was pay for the undergrad and made us accessible to their grades. They knew at early age. Adult life is what they decide it to be. I’m Gen X but was raised by Silent Generation people. They had to figure it out also.. it was a model worth continuing…
I had jobs as young as I could; baby-sitting, then restaurant, movie theater, etc. Got my Master's degree & w/ that I was thrilled I would never have to be a waitress again. All 3 of my sons always had a summer job, at least, sometimes during the yr.
I was not at all a helicopter parent to my 3 sons. They're doing the same type parenting w/ my 6 grandkids. All those grandkids are performing way above grade level.
Nowadays, I know high school kids who have never held a job.
I'm saying this 'cause I believe it's anonymous. I give 4 yr, free ride scholarships, books, board, tuition, etc, to merit-based need based local high school kids every yr. I SEE THEIR GRADES. They must maintain a 3.0. They're allowed 1 semester of 'oops', but that's all. These kids are hard working!!! Their jobs, extracurriculars, plus their community service hours are amazing!!! They are so deserving!!! NO ONE in the community knows who gives this to these kids.
I disagree with Flagg’s mom. Your kids should live their life, not be pressured by parental expectations. And parents should not be living vicariously through their kids. What happens when the kid blows out his knee in practice next week and all the Money is gone?
Speaking of money, I think it’s obscene that someone in college I being paid $4.8. Million for playing a sport. Then again, I think most sports salaries are obscene. I hope he (and his family) don’t get too used to living on that amount, as it can be gone in a flash.
Wow, I'm sorta surprised at the comments. I'm not a helicopter parent fan either but the Devil (bad Duke pun :-)) is in the details a bit. If the story went more like "17 year old kid from Vermont, worth $5M, moves to Durham, NC to play basketball at a highly ranked Div 1 program and gets in trouble, tries to commit suicide, etc. " would there be an uproar over why his parents weren't in the picture?
I get that we've managed to destroy the last vestiges of amateur athletics in this country. NIL and the transfer portal are bad solutions. But you can't blame the Flagg family for that.
FWIW - we live a few miles from the Duke campus. I would bet that the entire city of Durham would greatly benefit from families that had more engaged parents. Did you know that Durham is considered safer than only 3% of other US cities?
FWIW, even with the high dollar contract, yes that pro career can be gone in a heartbeat. My own limited opinion would be for my child to get their degree. When given a free ride in a top school, use it for your future. You won’t be a pro forever. There are many great stories in the sports world of athletes who took their college careers to the next level and actually did something with their lives besides being a pro athlete. This kid has it made if he’d plan it right. It will be interesting to see what he ends up doing with his life.
I have a different problem. One of my kids lives in the USA. the other 3 live in Israel. Hence l live in Israel, but had l known before l came l probably wouldn't have come here. Noone willingly (as far as l know) moves to a country that's at war. I love it here...l'm originally from the UK. but hate the weather there
It's TOO cold for me. Here it does get HOT but l prefer it ( l hurt less).
I have always wanted to live in the USA. but couldn't make it work so my second choice is Israel. At least l'm happier here than l ever was in the UK.
I should point out that all 4 of my kids were born here (so it really has nothing to do with universities).
I don't see the parents moving to NC as a good thing. They have inserted themselves into his first leap into independence and then get hurt when he wants to be -um- independent!
on another note, we live just a few miles from Rutgers University. When my daughter was thinking about going to college she said she didn't want to apply there because we would be visiting her all the time. We couldn't contain our laughter. My husband said, "ok, let's think about this. It's a Thursday night and we want to do something. Do we go to Rutgers and visit you in the dorms or do we call some friends and go out for dinner?" And then we both laughed again. She said, 'but you always visit my brother at college" (40 minutes in the other direction). We told her that's because every time he comes home he forgets something and asks one of us to bring it to him. She wound up in Culinary School. We visited her occasionally, she visited us occasionally, but she was "away" at school for all intents and purposes. We survived just fine.
At least you're willing to live in Malibu for four years so your kid can have a true college experience and all that means. I'm not surprised Cooper didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with his pro-career-obsessed helicopter, freeloading parents.
Part of wanting the best for your kids is keeping priorities straight.
Indeed.
It seems we have become a society that raises children rather than adults. Between helicopter parents, going on job interviews with 18 year old (+) young adults, participation ribbons, moving “kids” into dorm rooms, and now actually moving with students to their college town - the list is an endless parade of parents living life through their offspring.
I suspect the Flagg family moved in part to protect their investment. Cooper is only 18 (born 12/21/2006) so 17 when he started college. Male brains don’t fully mature until the 25-30 year time period. It will be interesting to see how he is managed should he enter the draft this year and how the money and influence of other players will impact his development into an adult.
guess this article is limited to parents of 1 child-families. Altho as Lydia has already commented, I don't see it as a good trait for parents to have such an "obsessed" attachment to want to follow after a child. It would truly be tragic if parents chose to follow-after a star-studded child & uproot other siblings.
When I was looking to re-locate, I knew I didn't want to live in any of the 3 states where my 3 sons lived, for various reasons, so chose a state somewhat in-between. I moved to this state when I was 65 & didn't know anyone. It was a perfect choice FOR ME.
There are actually 3 sons in the Flagg family. Older son Hunter and Cooper’s fraternal twin, Ace.
🙁
Bill, a question about Monday's 'Big Optimism' - the last few Mondays I haven't seen a "comment button". ??? Is it my viewing error, or is this happening to others?
same here. I was going to ask but then got sidetracked.
Yeah. Bill. Please don’t follow your daughter to college. I loved my parents. Heck, I even spent my birthday eve celebrating the New Year with them just before I turned 21. (back then 18 was the legal age)
But. I would have really been pissed if they had followed me to college. Cut them loose for Heaven’s sake!
We moved both our daughters to Hawaii when things at home reached a breaking point. Our older daughter was in a toxic relationship that could’ve derailed her life. She enrolled in the state university. Our younger daughter started 8th grade at a small private girls’ school. It was a huge, expensive change — but we made it for them.
It was all on our dime. No guarantees. Just a belief that our kids deserved a better path. Today, one flies for the military. The other is a project manager with dual citizenship in France.
I don’t judge families who relocate to support their kids — especially someone like Flagg. Stability, support, and being close during those high-pressure years can make all the difference. There are a lot of wrong turns a kid can take. Sometimes, parents have to go all-in to keep the road clear.
It sounds like you moved to help your kids learn and grow as opposed to following them to college and smother them with excessive parenting. I see that as a good thing!!
Unsure why anyone needs their parents to move with them for college. Kids have to make mistakes to grow. They can’t do that with mom and day handling everything.
I have 3 kids, twin boys and a girl. When they were in high school and preparing for college, I actually made sure I will not be a helicopter parent. I live in San Diego and 2 of my kids stayed in CA (though out of San Diego), and 1 went to New York. They all wanted to be "far" from home and to make their own decisions about their personal lives and future, with me just supporting them in the background. They all graduated from their respective schools and now working professionals. Parents need to let their kids build their wings to fly even at a young age.
We raised a Pharmacist and Software Engineer. Did none of their homework, they had part time jobs thru high school and were in extracurriculars. All we did was pay for the undergrad and made us accessible to their grades. They knew at early age. Adult life is what they decide it to be. I’m Gen X but was raised by Silent Generation people. They had to figure it out also.. it was a model worth continuing…
I had jobs as young as I could; baby-sitting, then restaurant, movie theater, etc. Got my Master's degree & w/ that I was thrilled I would never have to be a waitress again. All 3 of my sons always had a summer job, at least, sometimes during the yr.
I was not at all a helicopter parent to my 3 sons. They're doing the same type parenting w/ my 6 grandkids. All those grandkids are performing way above grade level.
Nowadays, I know high school kids who have never held a job.
I'm saying this 'cause I believe it's anonymous. I give 4 yr, free ride scholarships, books, board, tuition, etc, to merit-based need based local high school kids every yr. I SEE THEIR GRADES. They must maintain a 3.0. They're allowed 1 semester of 'oops', but that's all. These kids are hard working!!! Their jobs, extracurriculars, plus their community service hours are amazing!!! They are so deserving!!! NO ONE in the community knows who gives this to these kids.
I disagree with Flagg’s mom. Your kids should live their life, not be pressured by parental expectations. And parents should not be living vicariously through their kids. What happens when the kid blows out his knee in practice next week and all the Money is gone?
Speaking of money, I think it’s obscene that someone in college I being paid $4.8. Million for playing a sport. Then again, I think most sports salaries are obscene. I hope he (and his family) don’t get too used to living on that amount, as it can be gone in a flash.
Wow, I'm sorta surprised at the comments. I'm not a helicopter parent fan either but the Devil (bad Duke pun :-)) is in the details a bit. If the story went more like "17 year old kid from Vermont, worth $5M, moves to Durham, NC to play basketball at a highly ranked Div 1 program and gets in trouble, tries to commit suicide, etc. " would there be an uproar over why his parents weren't in the picture?
I get that we've managed to destroy the last vestiges of amateur athletics in this country. NIL and the transfer portal are bad solutions. But you can't blame the Flagg family for that.
FWIW - we live a few miles from the Duke campus. I would bet that the entire city of Durham would greatly benefit from families that had more engaged parents. Did you know that Durham is considered safer than only 3% of other US cities?
FWIW, even with the high dollar contract, yes that pro career can be gone in a heartbeat. My own limited opinion would be for my child to get their degree. When given a free ride in a top school, use it for your future. You won’t be a pro forever. There are many great stories in the sports world of athletes who took their college careers to the next level and actually did something with their lives besides being a pro athlete. This kid has it made if he’d plan it right. It will be interesting to see what he ends up doing with his life.
These parents should get a life! Who would do that to their children!!! If 18 years was not enough to give your child guidance, you are way too late!
I have a different problem. One of my kids lives in the USA. the other 3 live in Israel. Hence l live in Israel, but had l known before l came l probably wouldn't have come here. Noone willingly (as far as l know) moves to a country that's at war. I love it here...l'm originally from the UK. but hate the weather there
It's TOO cold for me. Here it does get HOT but l prefer it ( l hurt less).
I have always wanted to live in the USA. but couldn't make it work so my second choice is Israel. At least l'm happier here than l ever was in the UK.
I should point out that all 4 of my kids were born here (so it really has nothing to do with universities).
Blessings.
Tony
I don't see the parents moving to NC as a good thing. They have inserted themselves into his first leap into independence and then get hurt when he wants to be -um- independent!
It's not a feel-good story.
on another note, we live just a few miles from Rutgers University. When my daughter was thinking about going to college she said she didn't want to apply there because we would be visiting her all the time. We couldn't contain our laughter. My husband said, "ok, let's think about this. It's a Thursday night and we want to do something. Do we go to Rutgers and visit you in the dorms or do we call some friends and go out for dinner?" And then we both laughed again. She said, 'but you always visit my brother at college" (40 minutes in the other direction). We told her that's because every time he comes home he forgets something and asks one of us to bring it to him. She wound up in Culinary School. We visited her occasionally, she visited us occasionally, but she was "away" at school for all intents and purposes. We survived just fine.