You just took a shotgun blast to the face
It doesn't get any better than this.
Low Power Mode continues …
A month or so ago I wrote an article for Inc.com: 7 Smart Phrases People With High Emotional Intelligence Keep Saying Over and Over, and Why.
It's a simple, straightforward article, making the practical case for things like politeness, and using language that gives people “escape routes” during confrontations, so they can agree with you but not feel defeated. The phrases are:
"Let's think about why."
"Thank you." (Also "please" and "you're welcome.")
"No, thank you."
"Can I see if I understand?"
"I make this mistake all the time ..."
"Can I ask for some advice?"
"I expect a lot from you ..."
I hit publish and went about my life. Late the next day, I got an email with the eye-catching subject line: "Your article in juvenile hall." Here's part of it:
My name is Loto. A 44-year-old American Samoan, husband to Maria for 24 years, and father of the “Fab 5.” Last night I went to Fresno County juvenile hall and took your article with me. … It became a wonderful discussion. I just wanted to let you know your work is making an impact on young people that are incarcerated.
I myself am a victim of street violence. … Blind due to a gunshot wound I suffered as a gangbanger at 16. I thank God for His life-changing grace. Becoming blind was the beginning of the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. God let the devil close the eyes on my face, to open up the eyes of my heart.
Loto Lealaimatafao
Me to Loto:
Loto, Hey thanks so much for your email. You made my day. I do a lot of interviews with interesting people. Would you be up for that?
Loto to me:
Are you kidding me? Do Samoans love buffets? I would absolutely be honored to. You name the time, we’ll do the crime.
OK, you're all caught up. Here's the excerpt, with the video below. I found it very interesting.
Loto you're going to be blind for a while
by Loto Lealaimatafao (as told to Bill Murphy Jr.)
August 1994. I was 16 years old. I had just buried one of my friends that was in a car accident. I was always running away from home, but my mom finally found me at the funeral.
We lived in an apartment complex with a swimming pool, and some of my sisters wanted to go swimming. So, I was watching my sisters and I could hear people arguing with one of my family members, and I realize it's a rival gang member.
And I'm mad. Like, “We're really going to do this now? I just got home!”
So I start walking at the guy, and he looks at me and my relative, who's like 6 feet 4 and 350 pounds, and he says, “Hold on,” and walks away. We go looking for him and he's gone, but it was obvious to me what he was going to go get.
‘He’s got a sawed-off shotgun’
We got back to the house. I ran out of smokes, and I went to a different apartment complex, and I came back home to the pool. And my baby sister, 5 years old—I hadn't seen her yet since I'd been home—and she runs and jumps in my lap.
Then I hear a voice behind me: "What's up now?"
I turn around and it's that guy from earlier. He's with a couple other guys, and he's got a sawed-off shotgun. It's not the first time somebody's pulled something on me, so I walk toward him and and I say: "You pull that out? You’d better use it."
I didn't hear a bang. I didn't feel getting shot. I just thought: "Oh my God this guy just shot me. He actually listened to me! I just got shot in the face!”
‘I just didn’t care’
Now, for a gangbanger, this is the highlight of your life. You just took a shotgun blast to the face for your ‘hood! It doesn't get any better than this. So I'm just high on adrenaline.
Everyone's in the pool area and screaming and shouting. “Loto, it's going to be OK! Loto, hold on!”
And Bill, in my mind: “What do you mean? Hold onto what? You don't know my life. Don't you know this is what I wanted? … What was going through my head Bill? Relief—that I finally get to leave this place.
You know the story people have about seeing the light? Life after death and all that? It's not that I didn't believe in it, but I just didn't care.
But, there was no denying. It was like I was floating in the middle of a light bulb. The light was so bright. There was nothing I could compare it to. More piercing than the rays of the sun.
‘It’s all good’
Then I wake up in the hospital, and I heard somebody talk to me. But this voice, Bill, was complete. Like no voice I've ever heard. I can't tell you if it was one person or a thousand people speaking at the same time.
It said, "Loto you're going to be blind for a while. But don't worry. We're going to take care of you."
People wonder why I smile now that I'm blind, way more than I did before. Right after that, my sister Sulu walks in. I told her: “I'm going to be blind, but it's all good.”
I knew in that moment, right there, that this is what Jesus was saying. My sister Sulu was the only Christian that I knew was faithful and tried to walk the walk, and was always trying to get me to go to church, always praying for me. That's when Jesus became so real to me.
I remember I said, “Father, I don't know what you're going to do with me. But if you let me live any longer in this world, let it be for your glory. Because this life is no longer mine.”
Years later, I have the privilege of sharing this story with you.
‘Pretty amazing’
I've always done community outreach to at-risk youth and their families. But with this particular part of the ministry, in juvenile hall, it's very important to share with them that they're not stuck in that life.
I was there yesterday and I shared that we celebrated my oldest boy's birthday recently. At 16 for me, that was not in the plan. We had a 22-year plan because none of us thought we were going to live past 22.
The article you wrote was powerful in its simplicity, and we took it into juvenile hall. We do our small groups on Mondays. This is so necessary, especially with incarcerated youth.
They're not going to learn these phrases and strategies on the streets. They're not really learning them in a school.
And it makes such a difference because what you're doing is elevating their mentality. You're elevating their thought process.
Why does politeness and respect matter?
Why does it matter to really ask why you want certain things?
That's pretty amazing.
Thanks for reading, and thanks to Loto Lealaimatafao for sharing his story. We usually skip the 7 other things during Low Power Mode. See you in the comments.
Opps, I meant to say “Take that frown and turn it upside down”
I am currently reading the book "After" by Bruce Greyson, M.D. about his research into near death experiences. The timing of this article is amazing and Loto's experience fits in beautifully!