Your rage is thinly veiled pain

"See what happens when u choose love."

Today is World Kindness Day. Isn’t it funny that most people probably had no idea?

Or else that if they do hear anything about World Kindness Day besides this newsletter, it will likely be because of the announcement by Krispy Kreme that I’m including as the very last item today?

(See? Now you have to read to the end.)

I’m still unpacking both metaphorically and literally after a week away with family in London, and the election, and a few other things.

As it happens, I have something about kindness to share today that I’d saved ahead of time—without knowing how our vacation or the election would turn out, or for that matter (truth be told) that there was such a thing as World Kindness Day.

But it’s funny how things work out. The story is about how to take someone who’s attacking you, display kindness—and maybe even sometimes turn them into an ally.

Our heroine is the comedian Sarah Silverman.

Our antagonist, in both the literary and colloquial senses, is a guy in San Antonio named Jeremy.

About five years ago, Silverman was on a mission to reach out to people she didn’t understand or agree with. Who the heck does that in the United States today?

It was part of her Hulu series at the time, called, I Love You America.

Among her outreach tools was Twitter, and Jamrozy trolled her on the site in one of the least creative ways possible: basically calling her a one-word epithet, out of the blue.

Rather than take Jamrozy down, which she could do; she’s a professional comedian, Silverman took the time to look through Jeremy’s Twitter timeline, and to learn a bit.

It turns out that his history included some very difficult posts about abuse when he was younger, and about a back injury that left him in constant pain.

She replied like this:

"I believe in you. I read ur timeline & I see what ur doing & your rage is thinly veiled pain.

But u know that. I know this feeling. Ps My back sux too.  see what happens when u choose love. I see it in you."

The response caught Jamrozy off-guard, and he engaged—constructively, but sadly: 

"I can't choose love. A man that resembles Kevin Spacey took that away when I was 8.

I can't find peace, if I could find that guy who ripped my body who stripped my innocence I'd kill him.

He [F] me up and I'm poor so it's hard to get help."

Thousands of people watched and commented as Silverman and Jamrozy went back and forth. She asked him to consider joining a support group. In the days that followed she tried to find a doctor in San Antonio who might treat his back.

When Jamrozy put up a GoFundMe to try to pay for treatment, she shared the link; when it turned out that the price to repair his five slipped discs was far more than he'd be able to raise, Silverman offered to pay for it herself.

I wrote about this when it happened over on Inc.com, and I broke down a few components of Silverman’s response:

1. She took a pause before replying. She’s a woman with a fully loaded arsenal of wit and could have unloaded on Jamrozy, but she held off.

2. She took time to learn the context. Tim Ferriss says in his book, Tools of Titans: “Everyone is fighting a battle [and has fought battles] you know nothing about.”

3. She took a chance. The safest thing to do might have been simply to ignore Jamrozy's caustic comment. That’s what I do most often with crazy people on the Internet. But, I think Silverman deserves a lot of credit.

4. She offered love and understanding. Her response was authentic, empathetic, and personal.

5. She stuck around. One of the nicest things about this story is that it didn’t end quickly. “I was once a giving and nice person … but I became bitter and hateful,” Jamrozy told a reporter. “Sarah showed me the way. Don't get me wrong, I still got a long way to go, but it's a start.”

It’s funny, my instinctive reaction to something like this would be to do the exact opposite of what Silverman did.

But (a) I’d be wrong, and (b) if I can pat myself on the back for anything, it’s that at least some of the time, I’m getting better at not reacting instinctively.

I don’t mean to overstate what this kind of effort could do for our society right now, but then again, changing society is a pretty high bar to begin with.

I like it as a reminder of what it could do for a few people’s lives—including my own.

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7 other things worth knowing today

• More Trump appointments:

  • Fox News host and Army veteran Pete Hegseth as defense secretary,

  • Florida Sen. Marco Rubio for secretary of state,

  • South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem at Homeland Security, and

  • U.S. Rep. Michael Waltz as national security advisor.

  • Also, possibly but not confirmed: Oklahoma Sen. Markwayne Mullin at Veterans Affairs and Alaska Gov. Mike Dunleavy at Interior. (Axios, CBS News, Notus 1; Notus 2)

• A senior police officer warned Tuesday of calls for more rioting in Amsterdam, after dozens of people armed with sticks and firecrackers set a tram on fire Monday night as the city faces tensions following violence last week targeting fans of an Israeli soccer club. (AP)

• Cybercriminals are using stolen government email addresses to submit fraudulent emergency data requests to US companies to steal personally identifying information (PII) of customers, which could be used for nefarious purposes such as phishing and identity theft, experts have warned. This attack vector has grown in popularity since August 2023, warranting the issue of a Private Industry Notification from the FBI. (TechRadar)

• Social media platform Bluesky has picked up more than 700,000 new users in the week since the US election, as users seek to escape misinformation and offensive posts on X. The influx, largely from North America and the UK, has helped Bluesky reach 14.5 million users worldwide, up from 9 million in September, the company said. (I'm there at @billmurphyjr.bsky.social; not really doing much yet but checking it out.) (The Guardian)

• Ready for a more heartwarming story? In August 1944, a 20-year-old U.S. solider named Private William Walters died while liberating the village of Grez-sur-Loing, France. He left behind a pregnant wife and a daughter who would grow up with many questions. This year, the people of the French village tracked her down and invited her and her family to be with them as they honored Private Walters's sacrifice eight decades later. (CBS News)

• Another interesting one, although I missed the actual anniversary. Ever heard of National Radio Silence Day? Actually, "days;" this was a 3-day period in August 1924 when the U.S. government asked everyone to turn off all radio transmissions for five minutes every hour, so that scientists could listen closely to hear if any radio waves were coming from Mars. (IFL Science)

• And finally: Krispy Kreme is feeling generous this week. The bakery chain is offering a free dozen original glazed doughnuts to eager customers on Wednesday, Nov. 13, in honor of World Kindness Day. The offer applies to the first 500 guests in store and or at the drive-thru at participating U.S. locations. (USA Today)

Thanks for reading. Photo by No Revisions on Unsplash. As noted, I wrote about some of this before on Inc.com. See you in the comments!