Nor do I. Bill and I have this in common. My late husband, who was very much an introvert, said I could spend 5 minutes with someone and know their life history. As an only child raised in the era of “children should be seen but not heard”, I learned to watch and listen to people. My very wise grandmother told me many times that, “God gave us two eyes and two ears but only one mouth. Therefore we should see and hear twice that of what we say”. So one engages with another in such a manner where they feel comfortable talking. Practice active listening. That always helps.
It’s pretty disheartening to watch families at other tables in the States choosing to engage with their phones rather than with each other or what’s even worse, having a conversation with their parent via text. Same with young people; conversing through texting, staring at their phones rather than looking at the person with whom they are talking and learning how to read the other’s reactions. It’s baffling to my no doubt quaint way of thinking, but in my opinion, they are missing out on so much.
Amazingly, where I live now in Central America, people live by their phones however around each other, phones are down; put away. They still enjoy each other’s company.
I fell in love with one daughter-in-law, for several reasons, but one was when I learned, before they married, she banned all media at mealtimes. They have 2 children now, ages 10 & 8, & that is still the rule. Neither of those kids has their own phones. The only grandkid (6 altogether) of mine is the oldest, now entering high school. And she's watched carefully.
Hubs & I keep media away from meals. We play pool every day & our chatting probably interferes a lot w/ our pool playing. I'm more of a talker than he is.
Our community encourages a lot of in-person get-togethers.
Interesting, but not at all surprising, given all the likely contributors. With so many faces glued to their phones, or seemingly averting eye contact with extreme prejudice, finding people open to talking can be a challenge as well. This topic opens up all manner of possibilities, as does bringing an open attitude and a smile wherever I go, but an effort is often required, especially in such challenging times. Sure, it's easy for my cynical side to imagine the more silent trend to be applauded by those who know that, not unlike the covid plandemic, this sort of thing helps divide us and keep us uninformed and less likely to organize and speak up about any of the outrageous plundering and corralling of our lives (unless you are super wealthy). I am amazed by the unexpected conversations I've had with total strangers anywhere, but it usually begins when I extend a humorous or kind remark, or a helping hand, and in doing so I have found that many people will talk your ears off if given the chance, especially if given the time and attention. Unfortunately, we live in a world that's in such a hurry. Too many words? Gotta go!
Social media should be called anti-social media. IMO it has become the nemesis of sociability.
This issue is exacerbated as younger people rely more on their phones. We also have no real connections with businesses since everything must be done on line or through a bot. I moved my Sirius service from one car to another, all through a bot the other day. I have to admit it was fast with no wait to connect.
The anti speaking/conversation trend seems to support our loss of civility toward each other. Would people be as nasty as they are online if it all had to be done face to face? Texts have abbreviated words, comments have become snarky etc. AI is answering questions for customers. It seems as we draw deeper and deeper into “tech”, generally we are less civil. I think everyone has an interesting story! Living now in a more rural community, I do find it is easier to engage, though younger folks seem very awkward to randomly chat or even acknowledge.
You are so right. Anonymity on line eliminates accountability similar to mob mentality. It is difficult to be mean and uncaring when you have to look someone in the eye - unless you are a sociopath.
I know I do and I teach - Communication Classes. Online asynchronous classes so I never see nor speak to my students. I have learned I don't need to go out to meet friends - just shoot them a msg. My husband and I go weeks without speaking. Not because we're angry, we just have nothing to say. I'm blaming it on the Covid lockdown. We learned how to be alone.
I speak to everyone all the time we can be standing in the line at the grocery store or getting coffee somewhere anything I don’t let a moment to go by without having a conversation. I met a lot of interesting people, and I like to tell my side of the story too as well. My wife is always complaining that I will talk to anyone at any time and I say I did and I do and I will. I sold insurance for 39 years so I think mine was a leftover from that not I’ve been retired for 10 years. I enjoy people yep.
standing in lines can almost always generate a conversation of some sort. People are almost always eager to talk. People like to talk about themselves.
I have a smallish boat marina in town and there is a spit of grass overlooking the waterfront with a shade tree and chairs. We call it the office and it invites a sit down. The breeze always finds its way there as do those looking for a chat. The thing is, there is a rule: no lying, exaggeration encouraged. After all, these folks are essentially pirates with sea stories. It has become a thing and made my little ground sacred. Regulars and transients alike always comment on the chance to get into a real conversation, unplanned and yet nourishing. This is probably my only real legacy and I have to say, I am honored to facilitate it in a climate of community.
This is in no way related but if anyone can find an indoor spot, a library, anywhere with an accessible table - take a jigsaw puzzle. You can purchase them used with various # of pieces at thrift stores. In my experience they act as people magnets. Someone will walk by, stop a second to see if they can place a piece — then invite them to have a seat — more folks might join in… & conversation happens
As I get older, I find I don't enjoy conversing as much. As with many things, the older I get, the more things stay the same. I do believe it is a problem that people do not know how to engage with others, it will only get harder in the future. So, I am convicted to do more. We all have a story.
"If each of us just talked to one more person each day, we could reverse this trend"
I like that sentence, Bill - how about giving us a starting line to open the conversation door?
How many of those followed retired over the years? I know that when I was home full time with hubby, we did not talk as much as we did when we were out of the house during the day
RE: "Multiply 338 fewer words per day times 365 days. That works out to 123,370 fewer spoken words per year."
Let's please double-check the wording of the study. I think it might be even more alarming than you had stated. I think the study doesn't just suggest that we speak 1 less novel's worth this year compared to when the first study happened in 2005, but instead I think it's saying that we speak 1 less novel's worth this year than we did 1 year ago, and 2 less novels' worth than 2 years ago, and 14 less novels' worth than 14 years ago. If that's true, that's 14X the stated impact.
"We speak more than 120,000 words fewer than in the previous year. From 2005 to 2019 the reduction in the estimated number of words spoken per day was about 28%."
That means the difference for 2019 compared to 2005 is actually a 6,000-page book! Yikes!
When I climbed Half Dome (the back side) to celebrate my friend's 40th birthday (a few years ago, of course) one of our group members asked me, "Do you talk to EVERYONE?" I'd just takled to a young Menonite couple whilst finishing our hike (found out a little bit about the differences between them and Amish). When we're traveling I seem to talk to everyone...when I'm not though, I don't seem to do that. No idea why. But I DO think that phones have GREATLY impacted our conversing. Sadly.
uh-i guess it's all kinda bad good and stuff whatever.
I do NOT have this problem...lol
Nor do I. Bill and I have this in common. My late husband, who was very much an introvert, said I could spend 5 minutes with someone and know their life history. As an only child raised in the era of “children should be seen but not heard”, I learned to watch and listen to people. My very wise grandmother told me many times that, “God gave us two eyes and two ears but only one mouth. Therefore we should see and hear twice that of what we say”. So one engages with another in such a manner where they feel comfortable talking. Practice active listening. That always helps.
It’s pretty disheartening to watch families at other tables in the States choosing to engage with their phones rather than with each other or what’s even worse, having a conversation with their parent via text. Same with young people; conversing through texting, staring at their phones rather than looking at the person with whom they are talking and learning how to read the other’s reactions. It’s baffling to my no doubt quaint way of thinking, but in my opinion, they are missing out on so much.
Amazingly, where I live now in Central America, people live by their phones however around each other, phones are down; put away. They still enjoy each other’s company.
I fell in love with one daughter-in-law, for several reasons, but one was when I learned, before they married, she banned all media at mealtimes. They have 2 children now, ages 10 & 8, & that is still the rule. Neither of those kids has their own phones. The only grandkid (6 altogether) of mine is the oldest, now entering high school. And she's watched carefully.
Hubs & I keep media away from meals. We play pool every day & our chatting probably interferes a lot w/ our pool playing. I'm more of a talker than he is.
Our community encourages a lot of in-person get-togethers.
I think you are correct. Good job pointing this out!
If you happen to live alone, naturally you are likely to speak fewer words.
Interesting, but not at all surprising, given all the likely contributors. With so many faces glued to their phones, or seemingly averting eye contact with extreme prejudice, finding people open to talking can be a challenge as well. This topic opens up all manner of possibilities, as does bringing an open attitude and a smile wherever I go, but an effort is often required, especially in such challenging times. Sure, it's easy for my cynical side to imagine the more silent trend to be applauded by those who know that, not unlike the covid plandemic, this sort of thing helps divide us and keep us uninformed and less likely to organize and speak up about any of the outrageous plundering and corralling of our lives (unless you are super wealthy). I am amazed by the unexpected conversations I've had with total strangers anywhere, but it usually begins when I extend a humorous or kind remark, or a helping hand, and in doing so I have found that many people will talk your ears off if given the chance, especially if given the time and attention. Unfortunately, we live in a world that's in such a hurry. Too many words? Gotta go!
Social media should be called anti-social media. IMO it has become the nemesis of sociability.
This issue is exacerbated as younger people rely more on their phones. We also have no real connections with businesses since everything must be done on line or through a bot. I moved my Sirius service from one car to another, all through a bot the other day. I have to admit it was fast with no wait to connect.
“A house divided against itself cannot stand."
- Abraham Lincoln
The anti speaking/conversation trend seems to support our loss of civility toward each other. Would people be as nasty as they are online if it all had to be done face to face? Texts have abbreviated words, comments have become snarky etc. AI is answering questions for customers. It seems as we draw deeper and deeper into “tech”, generally we are less civil. I think everyone has an interesting story! Living now in a more rural community, I do find it is easier to engage, though younger folks seem very awkward to randomly chat or even acknowledge.
You are so right. Anonymity on line eliminates accountability similar to mob mentality. It is difficult to be mean and uncaring when you have to look someone in the eye - unless you are a sociopath.
I know I do and I teach - Communication Classes. Online asynchronous classes so I never see nor speak to my students. I have learned I don't need to go out to meet friends - just shoot them a msg. My husband and I go weeks without speaking. Not because we're angry, we just have nothing to say. I'm blaming it on the Covid lockdown. We learned how to be alone.
I speak to everyone all the time we can be standing in the line at the grocery store or getting coffee somewhere anything I don’t let a moment to go by without having a conversation. I met a lot of interesting people, and I like to tell my side of the story too as well. My wife is always complaining that I will talk to anyone at any time and I say I did and I do and I will. I sold insurance for 39 years so I think mine was a leftover from that not I’ve been retired for 10 years. I enjoy people yep.
standing in lines can almost always generate a conversation of some sort. People are almost always eager to talk. People like to talk about themselves.
I have a smallish boat marina in town and there is a spit of grass overlooking the waterfront with a shade tree and chairs. We call it the office and it invites a sit down. The breeze always finds its way there as do those looking for a chat. The thing is, there is a rule: no lying, exaggeration encouraged. After all, these folks are essentially pirates with sea stories. It has become a thing and made my little ground sacred. Regulars and transients alike always comment on the chance to get into a real conversation, unplanned and yet nourishing. This is probably my only real legacy and I have to say, I am honored to facilitate it in a climate of community.
I not only clicked a ‘like’, I love it!
This is in no way related but if anyone can find an indoor spot, a library, anywhere with an accessible table - take a jigsaw puzzle. You can purchase them used with various # of pieces at thrift stores. In my experience they act as people magnets. Someone will walk by, stop a second to see if they can place a piece — then invite them to have a seat — more folks might join in… & conversation happens
As I get older, I find I don't enjoy conversing as much. As with many things, the older I get, the more things stay the same. I do believe it is a problem that people do not know how to engage with others, it will only get harder in the future. So, I am convicted to do more. We all have a story.
"If each of us just talked to one more person each day, we could reverse this trend"
I like that sentence, Bill - how about giving us a starting line to open the conversation door?
My wife says "you talk to everyone" - I agree I enjoy the exchange - you can always learn something or wish "nice" to the other person(s)
How many of those followed retired over the years? I know that when I was home full time with hubby, we did not talk as much as we did when we were out of the house during the day
RE: "Multiply 338 fewer words per day times 365 days. That works out to 123,370 fewer spoken words per year."
Let's please double-check the wording of the study. I think it might be even more alarming than you had stated. I think the study doesn't just suggest that we speak 1 less novel's worth this year compared to when the first study happened in 2005, but instead I think it's saying that we speak 1 less novel's worth this year than we did 1 year ago, and 2 less novels' worth than 2 years ago, and 14 less novels' worth than 14 years ago. If that's true, that's 14X the stated impact.
The abstract at https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/17456916261425131 says
"We speak more than 120,000 words fewer than in the previous year. From 2005 to 2019 the reduction in the estimated number of words spoken per day was about 28%."
That means the difference for 2019 compared to 2005 is actually a 6,000-page book! Yikes!
Have no fear everyone, my husband and son have found your lost words. They will not go unused...
When I climbed Half Dome (the back side) to celebrate my friend's 40th birthday (a few years ago, of course) one of our group members asked me, "Do you talk to EVERYONE?" I'd just takled to a young Menonite couple whilst finishing our hike (found out a little bit about the differences between them and Amish). When we're traveling I seem to talk to everyone...when I'm not though, I don't seem to do that. No idea why. But I DO think that phones have GREATLY impacted our conversing. Sadly.