Apr 14, 2022·edited Apr 14, 2022Liked by Bill Murphy Jr.
Once again it boils down to definitions. Is a best friend a) someone who has the same sense of humor 2) someone with your same values, 3) someone who’s a great travel
companion, 4) someone you can be vulnerable with 5) good drinking/golfing/hobby buddy 6) someone whose opinion you respect or 7) someone who’s honest with you when you’re being a prick (and you listen)? What’s the difference between a friend and an acquaintance? I do have friends and each fit into these categories. Everyone else is an acquaintance. So friendship for me is not based on my level of need, but on the level of empathy, honesty, compassion, vulnerability and patience we have for each other. My friends tend to stick around for years/lifetime. What’s curious to me is that the rest of my family admitted that they have no friends.
I have one good friend I have known for 26 years. We have always been there for each other. Most of my friends are situational: friends I bowl with in the Thursday night league; friends I go to baseball games with (go Reds), etc. Having these friends makes me happy because I can enjoy my favorite hobbies but not reveal too much about myself. That privilege is reserved for my best friend.
Many years ago, Men's Health Magazine published an observation from a cardiologist at Harvard Medical School. He said, "I ask all my patients 2 questions and if they answer yes to both, I find that their chances of having a heart attack are greatly reduced. I ask if they look forward to going to work in the morning and if they look forward to going home at night.
I think that if you are happy to begin with, you have more friends. If you reach out to people, they reach back and count you among their friends. Having a sense of humor helps a lot; the ability to pull people out of their serious mundane thoughts and have them laugh at you and themselves is key.
If you do not like yourself the foundation for anything else is missing. You need to be your own best friend first and foremost. If you rely on external influences for happiness you will always be chasing things outside yourself.
In the end everything seems to be about creating a balance.
Just FYI, it seems like your newsletter may not have been emailed out to everyone today. I did not receive the email but came to the site to check if maybe I had missed it. Glad I checked. =)
The number of friends that you have may also be influenced by whether you are an introvert or an extrovert. Although both types have friends, the number of friends extroverts have typically far exceeds the number retained by introverts. Interestingly, the depth of the relationship may be greater (deeper understanding) with the introvert group.
Additionally, in his book "The Body: An Occupant's Guide", Bill Bryson states that research has demonstrated that living longer is affected by your social bonds (not necessarily best friends). "It is an extraordinary fact that having good and loving relationships physically alters your DNA. Conversely, a 2010 US study found, not having such relationships doubles your risk of dying from any cause." Food for thought, huh?
My dog and I are going snowshoeing today! He's really good at that. Sadly, no mountains. Just a coupla three really big hills on a black diamond backcountry trail. Can't waste the foot of great snow God & Mother Nature blessed us with over the past two days!
I how to speak Southern Redneck (with correct drawl), fluent in trucker, mechanic, race car driver, BBQ & Soul Food (cook & customer), bartender, waitress, and Florida Gator fan.
Also can speak easily with black friends that I have, and do quite well when we go to their church. I can also do a smattering of Spanglish, enough to get by in South Florida.
The axis titles in your charts seem to be flipped between X and Y. in the first chart, for example, the X axis seems to correspond to the number of friends (0 to 11+), and the Y axis is for happiness rating (0-10).
As a happy friendly person, I think that happy people tend to be more friendly, which makes people want to attach themselves more. I am so friendly, that often times people don’t know that we are not friends. They don’t even know I don’t like them.
I used to call it so cordial that it appears we’re like friends. Being happier does not make you have more friends, but it makes people more likely to think they’re your friend. It makes you more accessible and easier to talk to.
“We can pick up the phone after not speaking for years, and it's just as if we'd last spoken 5 minutes ago…”
That’s true for virtually all my friends. One is in Alaska and we’ll be up there and will see him this year. Probably been 20 years since we last talked but we won’t need to get reacquainted when we meet. Just catch up. It’s good to have friends like that.
Good day; in regards to the question of number of friends, I was thinking about that question after reading it. Obviously, It’s a personal opinion as are all the answers to the survey. It was thought provoking for me as I value my close friends so highly, the five I referenced are so close I would do most anything for and believe they feel the same. If I were asked about folks I enjoyed spending time with the number would be significantly higher. Just food for thought.
Once again it boils down to definitions. Is a best friend a) someone who has the same sense of humor 2) someone with your same values, 3) someone who’s a great travel
companion, 4) someone you can be vulnerable with 5) good drinking/golfing/hobby buddy 6) someone whose opinion you respect or 7) someone who’s honest with you when you’re being a prick (and you listen)? What’s the difference between a friend and an acquaintance? I do have friends and each fit into these categories. Everyone else is an acquaintance. So friendship for me is not based on my level of need, but on the level of empathy, honesty, compassion, vulnerability and patience we have for each other. My friends tend to stick around for years/lifetime. What’s curious to me is that the rest of my family admitted that they have no friends.
I have one good friend I have known for 26 years. We have always been there for each other. Most of my friends are situational: friends I bowl with in the Thursday night league; friends I go to baseball games with (go Reds), etc. Having these friends makes me happy because I can enjoy my favorite hobbies but not reveal too much about myself. That privilege is reserved for my best friend.
I did not receive your newsletter today. I had my husband forward it. 🤷🏼♀️
Many years ago, Men's Health Magazine published an observation from a cardiologist at Harvard Medical School. He said, "I ask all my patients 2 questions and if they answer yes to both, I find that their chances of having a heart attack are greatly reduced. I ask if they look forward to going to work in the morning and if they look forward to going home at night.
I think that if you are happy to begin with, you have more friends. If you reach out to people, they reach back and count you among their friends. Having a sense of humor helps a lot; the ability to pull people out of their serious mundane thoughts and have them laugh at you and themselves is key.
If you do not like yourself the foundation for anything else is missing. You need to be your own best friend first and foremost. If you rely on external influences for happiness you will always be chasing things outside yourself.
In the end everything seems to be about creating a balance.
I love your charts today. They add a great deal of perspective to the story.
Just FYI, it seems like your newsletter may not have been emailed out to everyone today. I did not receive the email but came to the site to check if maybe I had missed it. Glad I checked. =)
The number of friends that you have may also be influenced by whether you are an introvert or an extrovert. Although both types have friends, the number of friends extroverts have typically far exceeds the number retained by introverts. Interestingly, the depth of the relationship may be greater (deeper understanding) with the introvert group.
Additionally, in his book "The Body: An Occupant's Guide", Bill Bryson states that research has demonstrated that living longer is affected by your social bonds (not necessarily best friends). "It is an extraordinary fact that having good and loving relationships physically alters your DNA. Conversely, a 2010 US study found, not having such relationships doubles your risk of dying from any cause." Food for thought, huh?
My dog and I are going snowshoeing today! He's really good at that. Sadly, no mountains. Just a coupla three really big hills on a black diamond backcountry trail. Can't waste the foot of great snow God & Mother Nature blessed us with over the past two days!
On that bilingual thing;
I how to speak Southern Redneck (with correct drawl), fluent in trucker, mechanic, race car driver, BBQ & Soul Food (cook & customer), bartender, waitress, and Florida Gator fan.
Also can speak easily with black friends that I have, and do quite well when we go to their church. I can also do a smattering of Spanglish, enough to get by in South Florida.
Does this count???
The axis titles in your charts seem to be flipped between X and Y. in the first chart, for example, the X axis seems to correspond to the number of friends (0 to 11+), and the Y axis is for happiness rating (0-10).
As a happy friendly person, I think that happy people tend to be more friendly, which makes people want to attach themselves more. I am so friendly, that often times people don’t know that we are not friends. They don’t even know I don’t like them.
I used to call it so cordial that it appears we’re like friends. Being happier does not make you have more friends, but it makes people more likely to think they’re your friend. It makes you more accessible and easier to talk to.
“We can pick up the phone after not speaking for years, and it's just as if we'd last spoken 5 minutes ago…”
That’s true for virtually all my friends. One is in Alaska and we’ll be up there and will see him this year. Probably been 20 years since we last talked but we won’t need to get reacquainted when we meet. Just catch up. It’s good to have friends like that.
Good day; in regards to the question of number of friends, I was thinking about that question after reading it. Obviously, It’s a personal opinion as are all the answers to the survey. It was thought provoking for me as I value my close friends so highly, the five I referenced are so close I would do most anything for and believe they feel the same. If I were asked about folks I enjoyed spending time with the number would be significantly higher. Just food for thought.
On the graph related to happiness/good friends…. Am I reading it incorrectly, or are the variables labeled opposite?
Ex. Number of friends/ happiness swapped?