If you want to make friends, get a dog. We got one in January 2020 and not only was she an excellent little companion in her own right during the early lockdown days and a great reason to get outside for some exercise, she, like most dogs, is a natural conversation starter.
We moved into our current neighbourhood in 2017 and hardly knew a soul other than our immediate neighbours. With our little Westie we've met people up and down the street, and not just other dog owners. Now, you'd classify most of those as acquaintances rather than friends, but we've made a couple of actual friends as well and it took way less than 50 hours.
Kevin is right! A dog goes a long way to make friends. But retaining them takes effort. I have a friend who has taught me this. She calls every few weeks, though we live about 3 hours from each other. We have discussed what topics are uncomfortable for her, so I avoid them until she brings them up. But mostly we celebrate good times and commiserate on tough times and laugh a lot. Then I do that with others. Long time friends are cherished, and new friends are welcomed. I think women may do friendships more easily than men, but what do I know....
It's definitely tougher to make friends as you age. I organize three groups on meetup.com that are age specific so I keep in touch with others in my age group. Several members have told me they have made friends from these groups and some even find dating relationships (these are groups for singles over 50). It's a great social outlet that I rely on for social interaction.
Great piece. I wrote on Substack recently about another variable in maintaining friendships that Americans are weak at: doing things for each other in a reciprocal manner. It’s not just hours of time together, but reciprocal favor exchanging ‘on demand’. I used a comparison with Tamil friendship patterns.
It is a lot harder to make/keep friends when you’re older. We have moved multiple times across the country and lost touch with most of our friends. And singing in a choir/group is a great way to make friends, but it is also a HUGE time commitment.
I’m interested in the responses to Bill’s article. Hopefully I’ll get ideas on how to be/find friends!
This article spoke well on the challenges of true friendships. I believe that we have to be deliberate and that our friendships should serve to make us better as individuals. I'm fortunate to have a couple of mentors who are wiser and more experienced than I. I have four close friends who are my "stretcher bearers." These are men whom I would trust with my life. We meet regularly for sports, but afterward will sit and discuss the challenges we are facing, keeping accountability for the relationships and responsibilities in our lives, and to pray for one another. Interestingly enough, we have also sang together. Finally, I have a younger man that I am mentoring, hoping he might learn from my mistakes.
True friends are like real diamonds, rare but precious. I am 49 years old and I still maintain friendships from every phase of life. Like any relationship, it takes time and effort. My gut tells me when it’s time to reach out to certain friends, I listen to that. Texting is a beautiful thing, sometimes just a simple “hello, thinking of you 🙂”is all that’s needed.
I returned to NH from CO 3 years ago at 68 after 31 years. My significant adult life - marriage, children’s childhood, professional life - occurred during those 31 years. I am only now feeling I have new friends and that folks notice I’m gone when I’m absent. Group experiences (bowling, book clubs, French conversation and the like) have made the difference. Being transparent, even vulnerable, about who I am and asking gentle yet deep questions about who others are, has allowed me to create a new community of friends. It takes effort and you cannot mope and sit back. You must push through and out of your comfort zone and into new friends zones!
Your advice about finding a group you enjoy as a way to make friends is excellent. But if you can’t find a group you may have to initiate one yourself which can be challenging for some.
In my early 70s I lost my husband of 27 years to Alzheimer’s. I had a good support group of friends who were a tremendous asset in getting through this difficult time in my life. After 5 years of ups and downs in the dating world—mostly downs— I met and moved in with a wonderful man. I had no kids or grandkids to limit my ability to relocate so in the first 4 years we were together we moved 4 times, trying to find a retirement home we both enjoyed.
Making new friends was always challenging. My new partner was one of those outgoing Sagittarius types who has never met a stranger so for him it was easier to find friends. All he had to do was join the men’s group at the golf club and hang around the Pickleball courts since he was an accomplished golfer and PB player. But for me it was more difficult since I always stayed in shape by running, going to the gym, doing yoga and bicycling. COVID shut down the gyms and yoga so I took up golf and PB at an advanced age in order to meet people and made some new friends in my new homes. My skills in both sports is minimal but It was still an ideal place to meet and make new friends.
However, it wasn’t easy. I had to organize my own group of beginner PB players which I did by making contacts in every beginner’s PB class I could find to participate in.
We moved to Central Oregon where I knew nobody. Bob grew up here so he had old friends and extended family members he had remained in contact with. I now share some of those friendships plus my group of new Pickleball friends. We bought a house that backs a neighborhood walking/bicycle path and I can wave to my new neighbors as they walk along the path.
I am so blessed with so many new friends and neighbors! It took courage to constantly extend myself and get out of my comfort zone but I am so happy I did it because it was so worth the time and effort.
Thank you for your story Bill and the opportunity to share mine.
It's easy to meet terrible people. So stay quiet, go places, and look for the quiet ones that are your gender and your age. Just say hi, how's it going? That's how you start a conversation and potentially gain a lifelong friend. It's pretty easy. You just have to go places and say hi. Don't give your contact info. Just ask questions. I prefer peaceful solitude. I know where the people are.
Pro Tip: If you're an introvert -- one who needs social interaction but is bad about taking the initiative to seek it out -- make you some good extrovert friends. I have two friends who are very good about planning group activities for all of us. Their initiative has even rubbed off on me some, and I have become more likely to plan things.
To renew friendships, get involved in your high school reunion. The more you contribute to the process, the more appreciation you will generate and the more friends you will develop during the experience. Good luck!
I so identified with Jessica's take on friendship and how much harder it gets as one gets older. I just finished Nina Totenberg's "Dinners with Ruth" and while I adored the book and wanted to read so much more about Nina's friendships, I was gobsmacked with the realization that I want and need more friends in my life. I've a loner by nature, so making friends is even harder for me. Reading that book gave me a lot to ponder over the coming months prior to my retirement. A priority for me after I retire is to get involved in things that I enjoy and can make friends in the process.
If you want to make friends, get a dog. We got one in January 2020 and not only was she an excellent little companion in her own right during the early lockdown days and a great reason to get outside for some exercise, she, like most dogs, is a natural conversation starter.
We moved into our current neighbourhood in 2017 and hardly knew a soul other than our immediate neighbours. With our little Westie we've met people up and down the street, and not just other dog owners. Now, you'd classify most of those as acquaintances rather than friends, but we've made a couple of actual friends as well and it took way less than 50 hours.
#whoozaguhgirl
Kevin is right! A dog goes a long way to make friends. But retaining them takes effort. I have a friend who has taught me this. She calls every few weeks, though we live about 3 hours from each other. We have discussed what topics are uncomfortable for her, so I avoid them until she brings them up. But mostly we celebrate good times and commiserate on tough times and laugh a lot. Then I do that with others. Long time friends are cherished, and new friends are welcomed. I think women may do friendships more easily than men, but what do I know....
It's definitely tougher to make friends as you age. I organize three groups on meetup.com that are age specific so I keep in touch with others in my age group. Several members have told me they have made friends from these groups and some even find dating relationships (these are groups for singles over 50). It's a great social outlet that I rely on for social interaction.
Great piece. I wrote on Substack recently about another variable in maintaining friendships that Americans are weak at: doing things for each other in a reciprocal manner. It’s not just hours of time together, but reciprocal favor exchanging ‘on demand’. I used a comparison with Tamil friendship patterns.
It is a lot harder to make/keep friends when you’re older. We have moved multiple times across the country and lost touch with most of our friends. And singing in a choir/group is a great way to make friends, but it is also a HUGE time commitment.
I’m interested in the responses to Bill’s article. Hopefully I’ll get ideas on how to be/find friends!
This article spoke well on the challenges of true friendships. I believe that we have to be deliberate and that our friendships should serve to make us better as individuals. I'm fortunate to have a couple of mentors who are wiser and more experienced than I. I have four close friends who are my "stretcher bearers." These are men whom I would trust with my life. We meet regularly for sports, but afterward will sit and discuss the challenges we are facing, keeping accountability for the relationships and responsibilities in our lives, and to pray for one another. Interestingly enough, we have also sang together. Finally, I have a younger man that I am mentoring, hoping he might learn from my mistakes.
True friends are like real diamonds, rare but precious. I am 49 years old and I still maintain friendships from every phase of life. Like any relationship, it takes time and effort. My gut tells me when it’s time to reach out to certain friends, I listen to that. Texting is a beautiful thing, sometimes just a simple “hello, thinking of you 🙂”is all that’s needed.
I returned to NH from CO 3 years ago at 68 after 31 years. My significant adult life - marriage, children’s childhood, professional life - occurred during those 31 years. I am only now feeling I have new friends and that folks notice I’m gone when I’m absent. Group experiences (bowling, book clubs, French conversation and the like) have made the difference. Being transparent, even vulnerable, about who I am and asking gentle yet deep questions about who others are, has allowed me to create a new community of friends. It takes effort and you cannot mope and sit back. You must push through and out of your comfort zone and into new friends zones!
Your advice about finding a group you enjoy as a way to make friends is excellent. But if you can’t find a group you may have to initiate one yourself which can be challenging for some.
In my early 70s I lost my husband of 27 years to Alzheimer’s. I had a good support group of friends who were a tremendous asset in getting through this difficult time in my life. After 5 years of ups and downs in the dating world—mostly downs— I met and moved in with a wonderful man. I had no kids or grandkids to limit my ability to relocate so in the first 4 years we were together we moved 4 times, trying to find a retirement home we both enjoyed.
Making new friends was always challenging. My new partner was one of those outgoing Sagittarius types who has never met a stranger so for him it was easier to find friends. All he had to do was join the men’s group at the golf club and hang around the Pickleball courts since he was an accomplished golfer and PB player. But for me it was more difficult since I always stayed in shape by running, going to the gym, doing yoga and bicycling. COVID shut down the gyms and yoga so I took up golf and PB at an advanced age in order to meet people and made some new friends in my new homes. My skills in both sports is minimal but It was still an ideal place to meet and make new friends.
However, it wasn’t easy. I had to organize my own group of beginner PB players which I did by making contacts in every beginner’s PB class I could find to participate in.
We moved to Central Oregon where I knew nobody. Bob grew up here so he had old friends and extended family members he had remained in contact with. I now share some of those friendships plus my group of new Pickleball friends. We bought a house that backs a neighborhood walking/bicycle path and I can wave to my new neighbors as they walk along the path.
I am so blessed with so many new friends and neighbors! It took courage to constantly extend myself and get out of my comfort zone but I am so happy I did it because it was so worth the time and effort.
Thank you for your story Bill and the opportunity to share mine.
It's easy to meet terrible people. So stay quiet, go places, and look for the quiet ones that are your gender and your age. Just say hi, how's it going? That's how you start a conversation and potentially gain a lifelong friend. It's pretty easy. You just have to go places and say hi. Don't give your contact info. Just ask questions. I prefer peaceful solitude. I know where the people are.
Pro Tip: If you're an introvert -- one who needs social interaction but is bad about taking the initiative to seek it out -- make you some good extrovert friends. I have two friends who are very good about planning group activities for all of us. Their initiative has even rubbed off on me some, and I have become more likely to plan things.
Just a friendly reminder, it is United States Military Academy in West Point, NY.
I had served there in our nation’s oldest band, The Hellcats.
Agree with Greg C. Meetup.com has a tremendous variety of groups to choose from.
I really suggest a pet, than making more friends with different attributes.
To renew friendships, get involved in your high school reunion. The more you contribute to the process, the more appreciation you will generate and the more friends you will develop during the experience. Good luck!
I so identified with Jessica's take on friendship and how much harder it gets as one gets older. I just finished Nina Totenberg's "Dinners with Ruth" and while I adored the book and wanted to read so much more about Nina's friendships, I was gobsmacked with the realization that I want and need more friends in my life. I've a loner by nature, so making friends is even harder for me. Reading that book gave me a lot to ponder over the coming months prior to my retirement. A priority for me after I retire is to get involved in things that I enjoy and can make friends in the process.