I gave this exact thing some thought just recently when recounting some old memory. Must be some human survival mechanism because I surely did not quite feel the depth of emotion that I should have for such an experience. Same truth occurs in that everything does get better with time... and this too, shall pass.
I think my close encounter with the Wooly Booger came in 1980 when the guy I was dating at the time and I were riding his motorcycle on the Blue Ridge Parkway one fine Carolina spring day. We stopped at a spot called Graveyard Fields and walked down to the rocks in the river that runs down to a beautiful waterfall as it continues on its merry way wherever it runs. The sun was out, there was a light breeze as we pulled off our jackets to sit in the rocks for a spell before riding on. Eventually we noticed a deer carcass floating in the pool at the bottom of the falls. Since it had been a relatively dry Spring, we figured the doe had probably slipped on a rock that looked dry but that really wasn’t. These are the rocks that had had enough water running over them to grow some algae and that now had been splashed on just enough to be slick as greased lightening. That was all of our thinking at the time.
A bit later we decided our rocks we’re getting hard and besides, it was time to venture on south. I stood up but had failed to catch hold of my jacket. That pesky breeze picked it up and headed it for the water. Without thinking, I followed only to realize I was on the same slippery path that unfortunate deer had taken down those falls leading to her demise.
At age 34 I can honestly say I absolutely had NO idea of ending up dead with that deer but I’m also here to say that that was one strong river. I remember scratching, scrambling and just trying my best to somehow get myself over to the side where my date or someone could safely grab me. I’m not really sure how it happened but I finally realized I was sitting upright, at the edge of the river and right many feet below where I had started. Both feet were down in an eddy of icy water and I was shaking like a leaf! My date made it down to me and talked to me until I thought I could finally get out of the water. Upon barely making it out, we realized that somehow I had sustained a nasty, deep gash in my foot that, in spite of the cold water, was bleeding rather profusely. First things first. Date’s shirt torn and used as a temporary bandage. Get to closest drugstore where first aide supplies are bought and utilized. Ride back home and to a doc-in-the-box where I get written orders to stay off my foot for 2 weeks(I’m a restaurant hostess)and a tetanus shot. My boss was understanding and gave me paid leave and I survived to see my 76th birthday.
Looking back on my life in all in its entirety, I have to admit it’s been far more exciting than I’d ever imagine and I’m far more grateful than I ever thought I’d be. I suppose I’ll have to see what tomorrow brings.
you ask us to think of something we "survived" that we are grateful about. why does everybody bandy the word grateful about, assuming everybody is or should be grateful? people who have extraordinarily tough experiences are pushed to be "grateful", are often shamed if they don't express some of that "gratefulness." there are many rash assumptions in that wish for others to be grateful or to find something to be grateful about. sometimes an experience could call for no such "gratefulness" and asking people to find that "gratefulness" actually is a disservice to the person who experienced the trauma.
Peter, I hope that you can find some peace or hope from the things that you have survived. Being thankful isn't a curse that we wish on someone, it's a hope for their freedom from pain and sadness.
kind of you....nice perspective....it's not normally presented that way.....I like the idea of hope for freedom you present....that is not a value judgement....not at all sure about the "thankful"....it is like "grateful"....grateful or thankful to who or what...? usually the questions or push for someone to be thankful or grateful for something in a trauma or experience or for a disability contains a judgement or a "should"....read articles or see documentaries about disabled people and how they are talked to or treated...disabilities that people have or traumas they go through often make others uncomfortable and so often those uncomfortable people search for a way to make their own uncomfortableness go away, want the person who has suffered or is suffering to somehow make it "okay" so the uncomfortable person wanting the suffering person to be "thankful" or "grateful" can feel less uncomfortable...and that is dismissive and invalidating of the feelings and reality for the person being asked to be thankful of grateful. it is saying "your perception of your situation needs to change." think about it. put yourself in the shoes of the person who is told to view themselves differently than they do so others can feel more comfortable around them...
For me, it helps me to be more empathetic. The world is full of trouble, no one escapes being wounded in one form or another. I wish to be a salve for that if I can, not an additional source of wounding.
appreciate that...empathy is so important....I spent my entire career helping troubled and disadvantaged kids and that definitely made me think a whole lot about the things I've written about today.....and made me very careful about not invalidating people's feelings, and about never giving "shoulds" about how anyone else might feel about his or her life or experiences....
This is a tough point. I agree that someone trying to tell you what your silver lining "should" be is very presumptuous. And I greatly dislike the phrases "it must have been for the best" and "there's a reason this happened." No, sometimes horrible things just happen and the person traumatized may not be in a place to hear that.
I do think that most people saying these phrases have the best intentions and are not intending to be tactless or hurtful. So then the person receiving them has to grit their teeth and say "thank you" while seething or crying inside.
you sort of hit the nail on the head with some of what you wrote. I so often have trouble with "best of intentions" with those comments when the person things like "it must have been for the best" was never asked to comment on the situation and give a value judgement. and I really think that unasked for "advice" or commentary on a situation really isn't about best of intentions, but rather is about making the issue go away so they don't have to look at it, or think about it or feel it, so their discomfort can be put somewhere.....don't get me wrong, there are people with great intentions. I just find framing someone's experience for him or her is dismissive, and hurtful....and people don't think about this enough....and it is done so much to people who have experienced trauma (physical or emotional) or have disabilities...and I have taken it on as a mission to try to make people more aware of this...
Toxic positivity is problematic. Echoing some of the sentiments below, I have often said to friends/family facing a challenge, “let’s acknowledge how $hitty this _____ [challenge, experience, loss] may feel right now.” It gives them an opportunity to be truthful in their feelings and avoid looking for a silver lining as an immediate response.
Let’s feel it all…the good, the bad, the ugly, but on our own terms and timelines.
Hi Peter. I didn't mean to ask anyone to be grateful for the experience. Just if they were grateful for having survived it — and maybe in awe that it's so far in the rearview mirror now.
appreciate that....still, at least to me, asking "if" someone is grateful for having survived the experience still pushes the whole "grateful"....different from just asking how someone felt surviving something...it has a sort of slant or presumption in that question....and I always ask "grateful to who or what about what?”...I may be happy I survived, or pleasedI did....or maybe not at all...some experiences have no "grateful" component...and there is no awe in it being in the rearview mirror....some things just are...to me, asking the questions that way still has a sort of value judgement in them which calls for a certain kind of view or reply...there are sort of expectations in them. and that just may put undue pressure on the person who experienced whatever happened. asking how one felt or now feels later on without the "grateful" or "awe" included in the questions leaves it open without any pressure to feel or see things with an expected positive slant....it is a subtle but, I think, important distinction. my only feelings about a number of situations and circumstances are that I wish they never had happened. and I know many people who feel and think the same way. we move on and live with the repercussions of what happened. and we wish people wouldn't try to get us to think or feel differently, try to get us to find a way to turn it into more or better than it was or is....and that is not being negative...just pointing out the subtle pressure that can be imposed....and it is amazing how often it happens....
Not sure if they were all encompassing or not, but ordeals, I've had a few:
- Separated within two years of eloping with a girl I'd known since university and who I dated and had broken up with 8 or 10 times prior to the elopement- divorced a year later. Learned: wishing doesn't make it so and you can't make a fundamentally unhappy person happy.
- packaged off from my first real job at a Financial Institution after 11 years, seemingly out of the blue. Learned: nobody cares about your career other than you, pay attention to the little warning signs when your boss starts being odd towards you, never accept the first package they offer you.
- packaged off from my third job with a financial institution. Learned: when in a financial crisis like 2008, don't work for the international arm of a US online brokerage firm that has shifted to making most of its money from investing its own capital in subprime because when the music stops they're going to have to sell off the international business to increase their odds of survival
- packaged off from my fourth full time job at yet another financial institution after having just done another expat stint outside the country, in a round of restructuring. Reaffirmed: the only one who cares about your career is you, corporations expect loyalty but offer none.
- unemployed for a year and a half because what I do is reasonably niche and nobody was hiring. Learned: there comes a point where you're willing to consider just about any job (school bus driver? I could do that. Wait.. It pays what?), A supportive spouse is worth her or his weight in diamonds during tough times, the stars will eventually align for you again if you can afford to wait them out, that I'm a slow learner because yes I'm at another financial institution now. So far, so good 😀
Good luck Kevin! Lord knows you’re persistent enough. I sincerely hope you can maintain your job and your sanity until YOU decide to tell them where they can put their job.
I was very young; I had a fever. I remember being placed on a counter so that my mother could purchase something. I looked down at my hands, then flipped them over to look at my palms. They were all red with white spots all over them. Then everything faded like in the movies when the screen creeps in from all corners to meet in the middle and goes to black. The next thing I remember from this traumatic experience was waking up in an oxygen tent with ice bags all around me and tubes coming from everywhere. I was going to survive the meningitis that was ravaging my tiny body.
Sometimes, now at 50 years old, I can look at my palms and I still see the little red hands with white spots. I am thankful to the doctors and the nurses who brought me back from the brink. I would have missed so much.
I was married in my late teens and divorced in my early twenties. When I was twenty-seven, my ex-wife's husband left a burning cigarette and my two sons in the house, alone. They perished at ages four and six.
I've had many years since to learn about forgiveness as well as trying to be thankful and content in all circumstances. This was not done in my own strength but in being rescued by God and a loving and supportive family.
Well, the pumpkin tip brings up another problem — the closed top of the pumpkin will absorb all the heat from the enclosed candle, creating a burning stench. (The fix for that would be to use LED candles.)
The closest I’ve come to no tomorrow was 19 years ago. At age 25, I was diagnosed with a tumor on my brain stem. Even though it was benign, the brain is a finite space and all masses are dangerous. My surgery came with the risks of blindness, deafness, loss of facial movement, blinking…or the possibility of no tomorrow. It was frightening diagnosis and the decision was mine to agree to surgery - the only treatment for removal.
I had a wonderful and talented surgeon, coupled with the support of friends and family. I’m tumor free today (19 years and counting). I’ve taken that moment in my life as a choice to give back to those whom have had a diagnosis. I also embraced a more active lifestyle through running (having now completed a mix of races including a 50K—yes, fifty—and 40 mile runs). This experience is a gift to me, realizing that not all have the same outcomes.
The closest I’ve come to no tomorrow was 19 years ago. At age 25, I was diagnosed with a tumor on my brain stem. Even though it was benign, the brain is a finite space and all masses are dangerous. My surgery came with the risks of blindness, deafness, loss of facial movement, blinking…or the possibility of no tomorrow. It was frightening diagnosis and the decision was mine to agree to surgery - the only treatment for removal.
I had a wonderful and talented surgeon, coupled with the support of friends and family. I’m tumor free today (19 years and counting). I’ve taken that moment in my life as a choice to give back to those whom have had a diagnosis. I also embraced a more active lifestyle through running (having now completed a mix of races including a 50K—yes, fifty—and 40 mile runs). This experience is a gift to me, realizing that not all have the same outcomes.
The closest I’ve come to no tomorrow was 19 years ago. At age 25, I was diagnosed with a tumor on my brain stem. Even though it was benign, the brain is a finite space and all masses are dangerous. My surgery came with the risks of blindness, deafness, loss of facial movement, blinking…or the possibility of no tomorrow. It was frightening diagnosis and the decision was mine to agree to surgery - the only treatment for removal.
I had a wonderful and talented surgeon, coupled with the support of friends and family. I’m tumor free today (19 years and counting). I’ve taken that moment in my life as a choice to give back to those whom have had a diagnosis. I also embraced a more active lifestyle through running (having now completed a mix of races including a 50K—yes, fifty—and 40 mile runs). This experience is a gift to me, realizing that not all have the same outcomes
My daughter was diagnosed with a rare, permanent, and potentially fatal autoimmune condition when she was 12. It required a PICC line for chemo and roughly 12 daily medications. She was so fearful of getting an infection from the PICC line getting wet in the shower that she requested I give her a bath every night. After spending the day in bed severly depressed, I would tape a ziplock bag over the line and give her a bath. For 18 months. The conversations we had, while I was being the mom and holding a steady face and tone of voice, mind you, were incredibly intense. Life, death, the meaning of things, the why of things...and for a 12 and then 13 year old girl to need and allow her mom to give her a bath shows how scared she was. After she put on her jammies and I read her our special book, I would go into my bedroom and figuratively die. Ugly, gut-wrenching, from the soul cry until I fell asleep. How could I keep my girl from dying? My whole job is to keep her safe!
Takeaway: this was 9 years ago. My life has currently exploded harmfully in EVERY area, but she hasn't had a relapse in 5 years and my son is a happy little guy. It gave me perspective. Or I guess it gave me a bar of "what is the worst" that is so high, I hopefully will never top it. Even now, when my son, 2 ancient kitties, and I are facing homelessness due to our supportive housing closing down, I have 5 online classes, and cervical disc issues...am I discussing with my daughter what she would like me to remember about her if she died? No, no, I am not. We are all alive and as Tom Hanks character in "Castaway" so beautifully states, "I know what I have to do now. I've got to keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring."
Sidenote: If able, please support the Make-A-Wish Illinois chapter. When it was such a dark time, they granted her wish for a trip to Disney World...it gave us such a reprieve from our daily struggle. Restorative and very happy memories in a time when there weren't many.
You’ve really helped put life back in perspective for me. It’s too easy to get your knickers in a knot over stupid stuff and if you stop and think of it, most everything is stupid stuff!
After a successfull career in the federal government and then with a Fortune 200 company, I was fired from 6 jobs in a row, never lasting more than 2 years. I just didn't seem to fit in. It was then I decided I could only be my own boss and started my own firm 25 years ago and eventually went into business with a client/good friend that has led to a highly lucrative and successful life style enabling my wife and I to travel all over the world and send our kids too. I had to over come the fear of not getting a regular paycheck and believe in my self and stop trying to fit into a mold of others making but to do it my way. Don;t let others tell you "it can't be done"; believe in your own self when no one else will
In 2004 our 30-year-old daughter, married with three small children, had a brain stem stroke and was given 24 hours to live. Miraculously, she survived but they said she was locked-in and would never move below her eyes again. Miraculously, again, she can use her right hand and get around in a wheelchair. She has limited speech. Normally someone with her situation would have three tubes in her. She has none. She has a one in a million husband. She also has a blog to inspire people. It is jenannlynn.org.
That 10-yr old tattoo story, and the accompanying comments underneath it are enough internet for me today. Why, OH WHY did I have to go searching for the comment section on that?
Yes. I remember having read the book, Alive, many years ago. As memory serves, I liked that the young man who wanted to become a doctor (and who did his best to be the medical expert for the crash victims), actually did follow through with his goal of becoming a physician.
With what I’ve read about the experiences of universal basic income from various sources, KUDOS to L.A. for considering this for their at risk young people … and that they’re targeting a population who is doing their best to move forward in their lives, despite their disadvantaged past.
I gave this exact thing some thought just recently when recounting some old memory. Must be some human survival mechanism because I surely did not quite feel the depth of emotion that I should have for such an experience. Same truth occurs in that everything does get better with time... and this too, shall pass.
I think my close encounter with the Wooly Booger came in 1980 when the guy I was dating at the time and I were riding his motorcycle on the Blue Ridge Parkway one fine Carolina spring day. We stopped at a spot called Graveyard Fields and walked down to the rocks in the river that runs down to a beautiful waterfall as it continues on its merry way wherever it runs. The sun was out, there was a light breeze as we pulled off our jackets to sit in the rocks for a spell before riding on. Eventually we noticed a deer carcass floating in the pool at the bottom of the falls. Since it had been a relatively dry Spring, we figured the doe had probably slipped on a rock that looked dry but that really wasn’t. These are the rocks that had had enough water running over them to grow some algae and that now had been splashed on just enough to be slick as greased lightening. That was all of our thinking at the time.
A bit later we decided our rocks we’re getting hard and besides, it was time to venture on south. I stood up but had failed to catch hold of my jacket. That pesky breeze picked it up and headed it for the water. Without thinking, I followed only to realize I was on the same slippery path that unfortunate deer had taken down those falls leading to her demise.
At age 34 I can honestly say I absolutely had NO idea of ending up dead with that deer but I’m also here to say that that was one strong river. I remember scratching, scrambling and just trying my best to somehow get myself over to the side where my date or someone could safely grab me. I’m not really sure how it happened but I finally realized I was sitting upright, at the edge of the river and right many feet below where I had started. Both feet were down in an eddy of icy water and I was shaking like a leaf! My date made it down to me and talked to me until I thought I could finally get out of the water. Upon barely making it out, we realized that somehow I had sustained a nasty, deep gash in my foot that, in spite of the cold water, was bleeding rather profusely. First things first. Date’s shirt torn and used as a temporary bandage. Get to closest drugstore where first aide supplies are bought and utilized. Ride back home and to a doc-in-the-box where I get written orders to stay off my foot for 2 weeks(I’m a restaurant hostess)and a tetanus shot. My boss was understanding and gave me paid leave and I survived to see my 76th birthday.
Looking back on my life in all in its entirety, I have to admit it’s been far more exciting than I’d ever imagine and I’m far more grateful than I ever thought I’d be. I suppose I’ll have to see what tomorrow brings.
you ask us to think of something we "survived" that we are grateful about. why does everybody bandy the word grateful about, assuming everybody is or should be grateful? people who have extraordinarily tough experiences are pushed to be "grateful", are often shamed if they don't express some of that "gratefulness." there are many rash assumptions in that wish for others to be grateful or to find something to be grateful about. sometimes an experience could call for no such "gratefulness" and asking people to find that "gratefulness" actually is a disservice to the person who experienced the trauma.
Peter, I hope that you can find some peace or hope from the things that you have survived. Being thankful isn't a curse that we wish on someone, it's a hope for their freedom from pain and sadness.
kind of you....nice perspective....it's not normally presented that way.....I like the idea of hope for freedom you present....that is not a value judgement....not at all sure about the "thankful"....it is like "grateful"....grateful or thankful to who or what...? usually the questions or push for someone to be thankful or grateful for something in a trauma or experience or for a disability contains a judgement or a "should"....read articles or see documentaries about disabled people and how they are talked to or treated...disabilities that people have or traumas they go through often make others uncomfortable and so often those uncomfortable people search for a way to make their own uncomfortableness go away, want the person who has suffered or is suffering to somehow make it "okay" so the uncomfortable person wanting the suffering person to be "thankful" or "grateful" can feel less uncomfortable...and that is dismissive and invalidating of the feelings and reality for the person being asked to be thankful of grateful. it is saying "your perception of your situation needs to change." think about it. put yourself in the shoes of the person who is told to view themselves differently than they do so others can feel more comfortable around them...
For me, it helps me to be more empathetic. The world is full of trouble, no one escapes being wounded in one form or another. I wish to be a salve for that if I can, not an additional source of wounding.
I think I have a man- crush on you Cobey. Thanks for your words today; they've both saddened and inspired me.
I appreciate that Kevin. We have the opportunity with our words and actions to help each other be better men.
appreciate that...empathy is so important....I spent my entire career helping troubled and disadvantaged kids and that definitely made me think a whole lot about the things I've written about today.....and made me very careful about not invalidating people's feelings, and about never giving "shoulds" about how anyone else might feel about his or her life or experiences....
This is a tough point. I agree that someone trying to tell you what your silver lining "should" be is very presumptuous. And I greatly dislike the phrases "it must have been for the best" and "there's a reason this happened." No, sometimes horrible things just happen and the person traumatized may not be in a place to hear that.
I do think that most people saying these phrases have the best intentions and are not intending to be tactless or hurtful. So then the person receiving them has to grit their teeth and say "thank you" while seething or crying inside.
you sort of hit the nail on the head with some of what you wrote. I so often have trouble with "best of intentions" with those comments when the person things like "it must have been for the best" was never asked to comment on the situation and give a value judgement. and I really think that unasked for "advice" or commentary on a situation really isn't about best of intentions, but rather is about making the issue go away so they don't have to look at it, or think about it or feel it, so their discomfort can be put somewhere.....don't get me wrong, there are people with great intentions. I just find framing someone's experience for him or her is dismissive, and hurtful....and people don't think about this enough....and it is done so much to people who have experienced trauma (physical or emotional) or have disabilities...and I have taken it on as a mission to try to make people more aware of this...
Toxic positivity is problematic. Echoing some of the sentiments below, I have often said to friends/family facing a challenge, “let’s acknowledge how $hitty this _____ [challenge, experience, loss] may feel right now.” It gives them an opportunity to be truthful in their feelings and avoid looking for a silver lining as an immediate response.
Let’s feel it all…the good, the bad, the ugly, but on our own terms and timelines.
so well said
Hi Peter. I didn't mean to ask anyone to be grateful for the experience. Just if they were grateful for having survived it — and maybe in awe that it's so far in the rearview mirror now.
appreciate that....still, at least to me, asking "if" someone is grateful for having survived the experience still pushes the whole "grateful"....different from just asking how someone felt surviving something...it has a sort of slant or presumption in that question....and I always ask "grateful to who or what about what?”...I may be happy I survived, or pleasedI did....or maybe not at all...some experiences have no "grateful" component...and there is no awe in it being in the rearview mirror....some things just are...to me, asking the questions that way still has a sort of value judgement in them which calls for a certain kind of view or reply...there are sort of expectations in them. and that just may put undue pressure on the person who experienced whatever happened. asking how one felt or now feels later on without the "grateful" or "awe" included in the questions leaves it open without any pressure to feel or see things with an expected positive slant....it is a subtle but, I think, important distinction. my only feelings about a number of situations and circumstances are that I wish they never had happened. and I know many people who feel and think the same way. we move on and live with the repercussions of what happened. and we wish people wouldn't try to get us to think or feel differently, try to get us to find a way to turn it into more or better than it was or is....and that is not being negative...just pointing out the subtle pressure that can be imposed....and it is amazing how often it happens....
and again, thanks for your thoughts....
Not sure if they were all encompassing or not, but ordeals, I've had a few:
- Separated within two years of eloping with a girl I'd known since university and who I dated and had broken up with 8 or 10 times prior to the elopement- divorced a year later. Learned: wishing doesn't make it so and you can't make a fundamentally unhappy person happy.
- packaged off from my first real job at a Financial Institution after 11 years, seemingly out of the blue. Learned: nobody cares about your career other than you, pay attention to the little warning signs when your boss starts being odd towards you, never accept the first package they offer you.
- packaged off from my third job with a financial institution. Learned: when in a financial crisis like 2008, don't work for the international arm of a US online brokerage firm that has shifted to making most of its money from investing its own capital in subprime because when the music stops they're going to have to sell off the international business to increase their odds of survival
- packaged off from my fourth full time job at yet another financial institution after having just done another expat stint outside the country, in a round of restructuring. Reaffirmed: the only one who cares about your career is you, corporations expect loyalty but offer none.
- unemployed for a year and a half because what I do is reasonably niche and nobody was hiring. Learned: there comes a point where you're willing to consider just about any job (school bus driver? I could do that. Wait.. It pays what?), A supportive spouse is worth her or his weight in diamonds during tough times, the stars will eventually align for you again if you can afford to wait them out, that I'm a slow learner because yes I'm at another financial institution now. So far, so good 😀
Good luck Kevin! Lord knows you’re persistent enough. I sincerely hope you can maintain your job and your sanity until YOU decide to tell them where they can put their job.
I was very young; I had a fever. I remember being placed on a counter so that my mother could purchase something. I looked down at my hands, then flipped them over to look at my palms. They were all red with white spots all over them. Then everything faded like in the movies when the screen creeps in from all corners to meet in the middle and goes to black. The next thing I remember from this traumatic experience was waking up in an oxygen tent with ice bags all around me and tubes coming from everywhere. I was going to survive the meningitis that was ravaging my tiny body.
Sometimes, now at 50 years old, I can look at my palms and I still see the little red hands with white spots. I am thankful to the doctors and the nurses who brought me back from the brink. I would have missed so much.
I was married in my late teens and divorced in my early twenties. When I was twenty-seven, my ex-wife's husband left a burning cigarette and my two sons in the house, alone. They perished at ages four and six.
I've had many years since to learn about forgiveness as well as trying to be thankful and content in all circumstances. This was not done in my own strength but in being rescued by God and a loving and supportive family.
I can't imagine the pain of your loss. I just want to express my condolences. Please be well.
Having a supportive family and a strong belief in God was a true Blessing. Not sure many could survive such a loss. Condolences and good for you
Well, the pumpkin tip brings up another problem — the closed top of the pumpkin will absorb all the heat from the enclosed candle, creating a burning stench. (The fix for that would be to use LED candles.)
The closest I’ve come to no tomorrow was 19 years ago. At age 25, I was diagnosed with a tumor on my brain stem. Even though it was benign, the brain is a finite space and all masses are dangerous. My surgery came with the risks of blindness, deafness, loss of facial movement, blinking…or the possibility of no tomorrow. It was frightening diagnosis and the decision was mine to agree to surgery - the only treatment for removal.
I had a wonderful and talented surgeon, coupled with the support of friends and family. I’m tumor free today (19 years and counting). I’ve taken that moment in my life as a choice to give back to those whom have had a diagnosis. I also embraced a more active lifestyle through running (having now completed a mix of races including a 50K—yes, fifty—and 40 mile runs). This experience is a gift to me, realizing that not all have the same outcomes.
The closest I’ve come to no tomorrow was 19 years ago. At age 25, I was diagnosed with a tumor on my brain stem. Even though it was benign, the brain is a finite space and all masses are dangerous. My surgery came with the risks of blindness, deafness, loss of facial movement, blinking…or the possibility of no tomorrow. It was frightening diagnosis and the decision was mine to agree to surgery - the only treatment for removal.
I had a wonderful and talented surgeon, coupled with the support of friends and family. I’m tumor free today (19 years and counting). I’ve taken that moment in my life as a choice to give back to those whom have had a diagnosis. I also embraced a more active lifestyle through running (having now completed a mix of races including a 50K—yes, fifty—and 40 mile runs). This experience is a gift to me, realizing that not all have the same outcomes.
The closest I’ve come to no tomorrow was 19 years ago. At age 25, I was diagnosed with a tumor on my brain stem. Even though it was benign, the brain is a finite space and all masses are dangerous. My surgery came with the risks of blindness, deafness, loss of facial movement, blinking…or the possibility of no tomorrow. It was frightening diagnosis and the decision was mine to agree to surgery - the only treatment for removal.
I had a wonderful and talented surgeon, coupled with the support of friends and family. I’m tumor free today (19 years and counting). I’ve taken that moment in my life as a choice to give back to those whom have had a diagnosis. I also embraced a more active lifestyle through running (having now completed a mix of races including a 50K—yes, fifty—and 40 mile runs). This experience is a gift to me, realizing that not all have the same outcomes
My daughter was diagnosed with a rare, permanent, and potentially fatal autoimmune condition when she was 12. It required a PICC line for chemo and roughly 12 daily medications. She was so fearful of getting an infection from the PICC line getting wet in the shower that she requested I give her a bath every night. After spending the day in bed severly depressed, I would tape a ziplock bag over the line and give her a bath. For 18 months. The conversations we had, while I was being the mom and holding a steady face and tone of voice, mind you, were incredibly intense. Life, death, the meaning of things, the why of things...and for a 12 and then 13 year old girl to need and allow her mom to give her a bath shows how scared she was. After she put on her jammies and I read her our special book, I would go into my bedroom and figuratively die. Ugly, gut-wrenching, from the soul cry until I fell asleep. How could I keep my girl from dying? My whole job is to keep her safe!
Takeaway: this was 9 years ago. My life has currently exploded harmfully in EVERY area, but she hasn't had a relapse in 5 years and my son is a happy little guy. It gave me perspective. Or I guess it gave me a bar of "what is the worst" that is so high, I hopefully will never top it. Even now, when my son, 2 ancient kitties, and I are facing homelessness due to our supportive housing closing down, I have 5 online classes, and cervical disc issues...am I discussing with my daughter what she would like me to remember about her if she died? No, no, I am not. We are all alive and as Tom Hanks character in "Castaway" so beautifully states, "I know what I have to do now. I've got to keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring."
Sidenote: If able, please support the Make-A-Wish Illinois chapter. When it was such a dark time, they granted her wish for a trip to Disney World...it gave us such a reprieve from our daily struggle. Restorative and very happy memories in a time when there weren't many.
Everyone, take care and be well.
so sorry for your tough time....my thoughts are with you
You’ve really helped put life back in perspective for me. It’s too easy to get your knickers in a knot over stupid stuff and if you stop and think of it, most everything is stupid stuff!
After a successfull career in the federal government and then with a Fortune 200 company, I was fired from 6 jobs in a row, never lasting more than 2 years. I just didn't seem to fit in. It was then I decided I could only be my own boss and started my own firm 25 years ago and eventually went into business with a client/good friend that has led to a highly lucrative and successful life style enabling my wife and I to travel all over the world and send our kids too. I had to over come the fear of not getting a regular paycheck and believe in my self and stop trying to fit into a mold of others making but to do it my way. Don;t let others tell you "it can't be done"; believe in your own self when no one else will
In 2004 our 30-year-old daughter, married with three small children, had a brain stem stroke and was given 24 hours to live. Miraculously, she survived but they said she was locked-in and would never move below her eyes again. Miraculously, again, she can use her right hand and get around in a wheelchair. She has limited speech. Normally someone with her situation would have three tubes in her. She has none. She has a one in a million husband. She also has a blog to inspire people. It is jenannlynn.org.
How wonderful that her life was restored to the point of inspiration. Not everyone is so “blessed”.
That 10-yr old tattoo story, and the accompanying comments underneath it are enough internet for me today. Why, OH WHY did I have to go searching for the comment section on that?
I never learn. Smh
And then I had to go and look to see what you were referring to...
Lol
Thank you, and don't worry, my life is much more full of joy than pain. Your words add to that joy.
Yes. I remember having read the book, Alive, many years ago. As memory serves, I liked that the young man who wanted to become a doctor (and who did his best to be the medical expert for the crash victims), actually did follow through with his goal of becoming a physician.
With what I’ve read about the experiences of universal basic income from various sources, KUDOS to L.A. for considering this for their at risk young people … and that they’re targeting a population who is doing their best to move forward in their lives, despite their disadvantaged past.