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Irene Goodman's avatar

As someone who has been negotiating for decades, I can tell you that the best way to get what you want is to establish good-term relationships. People have this mistaken idea that a good negotiator or businessperson is tough and cold. In fact, the opposite is true. The warmer and friendlier it gets, the more progress you will make. Works every time. It's a better way to do business and a better way to live. It means operating from a positive base instead of a negative, standoffish one. It doesn't mean you can't be passionate or unyielding about things that really matter. It does mean that you are more likely to win on those points if you are reasonable about everything else. But start with upbeat calm and reason. Have the attitude of expecting a good outcome. If they don't come in with the same attitude, tease them until they lighten up. Be audacious. Try anything, but do it from a positive base. Remember that they are humans with feelings. Always, always be respectful, never condescending or rude. Have a sense of humor, by all means, and use it wisely. Some things are not funny. The end result of a good negotiation is that everyone gets most of what they want, but not all. Compromises have been made. Both sides walk away happy. And when you look back on it, you realize it was fun. Challenging, maybe, but you enjoyed it and feel proud that you were a worthy adversary.

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Kristin's avatar

always a good read! When I read about the convergent process it makes me think about the way it can also generate an opportunity to be curious - which I find to be one of the best and traits that someone can have (IMO). If people were a little more curious and interested (not always interesting), you could have deeper conversations. I speak to the importance of this often in my practice with the people I work with because it opens up the chance for so many more conversations. And it sounds like you were ahead of your time in law school!

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