Apr 19, 2022·edited Apr 19, 2022Liked by Bill Murphy Jr.
As for “leaning in”, I’m a lip reader and when anyone talks I lean in. It’s great for my business, but not so great when dating. I’ve been proposed to 20 times - usually on the first date. Haha
I was single until I was 62, widowed and then remarried. I was a very happy women when I was single. I lived a rich and full life surrounded by lots of acquaintances and friends. I kept my schedule so busy I didn’t think I needed more. And then I met my husband and married life was the bomb. Loved it, and then he got sick and died. I was very sad and angry for sometime. And then I realized I loved being loved and I loved loving and to everyone’s surprise I fell in love again and am happily married. This time it’s even better because all our lives are so precious. Kindness is the key, attraction and respect are as important but the most important of it all is happy wife, happy life.
Perhaps the administration realized they would have likely dropped the mandate themselves prior to an appeal making its way through the court? I was surprised they extended it past the latest planned expiration date.
Apr 19, 2022·edited Apr 19, 2022Liked by Bill Murphy Jr.
Kindness is enigmatic IMO. It's overrated while being underrated. People can act out other ways and pretend it's kindness. Some call it a weakness and some a strength. People take advantage of kindness. You might be a simp if you are too kind. You might be gullible rather than kind. Lastly, the call for kindness is a manipulative way to take away accountability. You just have to be really simple to make marriage work. You have to surrender and give up a part of yourself when getting married. It's not for the creative or eclectic.
I have traveled the world for over 50 years and can say there are very few truly happy married couples. They say they are happy, but it's hidden in being comfortably numb. Stockholm syndrome.
Edit: Let me add, the social aspect is a joke. Marriage is never about being social. Although, it's been made to be #1 in the dating scene. One must be entertained or face insecurity. Childish!
I’ve always heard “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” I guess that is a passive version of kindness. I think real kindness often requires intent. Watching Julia on HBO recently has provided a textbook example.
There are quite a few words that are the inverse of kindness. I believe contempt loosely falls in that category. It is difficult to feel kindness when you feel contempt. They use a wonderful analysis of the four horsemen:
“The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling”
According to Gottman, contempt is the biggest predictor of a failed relationship (or marriage). All of the four horsemen are polar opposites to kindness.
The admin is in a tough position on the facemask mandate ruling. It was well past time to go to optional masking but they feared the political imagery of another wave of Covid making them look bad. So this ruling gives them cover. On the other hand as you say, it's a really big question to let sit resolved at a lower court.
But in truth in it's a victory for the Biden team, the hugely unpopular mask mandate is gone, and if things go downhill they get to blame Trump, any appeal will need to be timed to maintain this political victory.
One thing that keeps crossing my mind on the happiness survey is with regard to the number of friends and level of happiness. What if the questions were asked in the other order? If we were asked first about our level of happiness then asked how many close friends we have? My thought is that the correlation would be lower. When I answered that I had fewer close friends it made me feel unhappy and sad.
I will still wear my mask in airports and on planes, my choice. Indeed the air filtration system on a plane is excellent but that’s only when in flight. Many people don’t wear a mask properly anyway so no difference. No mask mandate will make it easier for flight attendants not having to deal with nonconformists.
As a lawyer, I wonder if the Biden administration is not challenging the district court ruling because it doest believe it's like to win on appeal and doesn't want to create bad law.
A book I would recommend - "The Happiness Project" by Gretchin Rubin. I had heard of it and happened to be rummaging through a Little Free Library and found it years ago. Really excellent.
Kindness in marriage. Years ago, a prominent couple in my hometown of Fargo, ND, had a story on their long and happy marriage in the local paper One of the spouses said, "we are always polite to each other (even after 50 or so years of marriage)." If he passes the salt shaker, I say "thank you." Things we may never think of when we get used to a person. Be as polite to your spouse as you were when you were in your early dating years and trying to impress that person.
So people who are more agreeable and respectful to their partners are happier than those who are not. Wow Bill, how about the study that concluded those who breathe tend to live longer than those who do not? Seriously, this study is cliche at best.
I'm not surprised the mask mandate was struck down at the federal level. Keep in mind, masks are optional except in most Healthcare facilities. The airlines or airports can still recommend mask wearing or even require it if they want. The Federal government just can't tell them to which is how it should be in this country.
Good morning Bill. I will probably leave a comment behind when I find my microscope in order to finish reading it. The font is minuscule today. I love ya anyway though.
Loved this newsletter! Have to say so much of the information on happiness, kindness etc resonates with what I do everyday working with so many couples (the bulk of my practice currently). Love the work by the Gottmans. They are brilliant. And so much truth about the influence of emotional instability - which keeps couples/people stuck. What they write about and examine - the importance of bids, asking your partner when is a good time to talk (often if one person wants to talk about something, they start talking without asking first), the importance of being attuned to your partner, being heard, listened to, seen - all the 'staples' of a strong foundation - all important. The OCEAN assessment is also something that we use in our field. Thanks for all of these reminders and the information!
Mark Twain once said something to the effect that people are about as happy as they decide themselves to be. And-some people are not happy unless they are unhappy. People bring a lot of baggage and latent personality traits to the party. Contempt is an extension of how people really feel about the other down deep. Contempt is the acting out of a deeper seated problem. If you really love the other person, you cherish them. Contempt is an ugly intrusion into any relationship.Because a person does not “lean in” immediately could be due to the many distractions of the day(including the damn cell phone). Making time to talk, turning down the tv volume or muting it is a compliment to the other person. Always show that he or she is the most important person in the room!
As for “leaning in”, I’m a lip reader and when anyone talks I lean in. It’s great for my business, but not so great when dating. I’ve been proposed to 20 times - usually on the first date. Haha
I was single until I was 62, widowed and then remarried. I was a very happy women when I was single. I lived a rich and full life surrounded by lots of acquaintances and friends. I kept my schedule so busy I didn’t think I needed more. And then I met my husband and married life was the bomb. Loved it, and then he got sick and died. I was very sad and angry for sometime. And then I realized I loved being loved and I loved loving and to everyone’s surprise I fell in love again and am happily married. This time it’s even better because all our lives are so precious. Kindness is the key, attraction and respect are as important but the most important of it all is happy wife, happy life.
Perhaps the administration realized they would have likely dropped the mandate themselves prior to an appeal making its way through the court? I was surprised they extended it past the latest planned expiration date.
Kindness is enigmatic IMO. It's overrated while being underrated. People can act out other ways and pretend it's kindness. Some call it a weakness and some a strength. People take advantage of kindness. You might be a simp if you are too kind. You might be gullible rather than kind. Lastly, the call for kindness is a manipulative way to take away accountability. You just have to be really simple to make marriage work. You have to surrender and give up a part of yourself when getting married. It's not for the creative or eclectic.
I have traveled the world for over 50 years and can say there are very few truly happy married couples. They say they are happy, but it's hidden in being comfortably numb. Stockholm syndrome.
Edit: Let me add, the social aspect is a joke. Marriage is never about being social. Although, it's been made to be #1 in the dating scene. One must be entertained or face insecurity. Childish!
"Forsake all others".
I’ve always heard “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” I guess that is a passive version of kindness. I think real kindness often requires intent. Watching Julia on HBO recently has provided a textbook example.
There are quite a few words that are the inverse of kindness. I believe contempt loosely falls in that category. It is difficult to feel kindness when you feel contempt. They use a wonderful analysis of the four horsemen:
“The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling”
According to Gottman, contempt is the biggest predictor of a failed relationship (or marriage). All of the four horsemen are polar opposites to kindness.
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-contempt/
The Gottman’s are deep!
I really enjoyed your articles today. Kindness is definitely the key to happiness! Thanks Bill for another great email to start my day :)
The admin is in a tough position on the facemask mandate ruling. It was well past time to go to optional masking but they feared the political imagery of another wave of Covid making them look bad. So this ruling gives them cover. On the other hand as you say, it's a really big question to let sit resolved at a lower court.
But in truth in it's a victory for the Biden team, the hugely unpopular mask mandate is gone, and if things go downhill they get to blame Trump, any appeal will need to be timed to maintain this political victory.
One thing that keeps crossing my mind on the happiness survey is with regard to the number of friends and level of happiness. What if the questions were asked in the other order? If we were asked first about our level of happiness then asked how many close friends we have? My thought is that the correlation would be lower. When I answered that I had fewer close friends it made me feel unhappy and sad.
I will still wear my mask in airports and on planes, my choice. Indeed the air filtration system on a plane is excellent but that’s only when in flight. Many people don’t wear a mask properly anyway so no difference. No mask mandate will make it easier for flight attendants not having to deal with nonconformists.
As a lawyer, I wonder if the Biden administration is not challenging the district court ruling because it doest believe it's like to win on appeal and doesn't want to create bad law.
A book I would recommend - "The Happiness Project" by Gretchin Rubin. I had heard of it and happened to be rummaging through a Little Free Library and found it years ago. Really excellent.
Kindness in marriage. Years ago, a prominent couple in my hometown of Fargo, ND, had a story on their long and happy marriage in the local paper One of the spouses said, "we are always polite to each other (even after 50 or so years of marriage)." If he passes the salt shaker, I say "thank you." Things we may never think of when we get used to a person. Be as polite to your spouse as you were when you were in your early dating years and trying to impress that person.
So people who are more agreeable and respectful to their partners are happier than those who are not. Wow Bill, how about the study that concluded those who breathe tend to live longer than those who do not? Seriously, this study is cliche at best.
I'm not surprised the mask mandate was struck down at the federal level. Keep in mind, masks are optional except in most Healthcare facilities. The airlines or airports can still recommend mask wearing or even require it if they want. The Federal government just can't tell them to which is how it should be in this country.
Good morning Bill. I will probably leave a comment behind when I find my microscope in order to finish reading it. The font is minuscule today. I love ya anyway though.
It’s SUBSTACK! All of my SUBSTACK newsletters are in font so small as to be infinitesimal. Only David Corn is legible.
Loved this newsletter! Have to say so much of the information on happiness, kindness etc resonates with what I do everyday working with so many couples (the bulk of my practice currently). Love the work by the Gottmans. They are brilliant. And so much truth about the influence of emotional instability - which keeps couples/people stuck. What they write about and examine - the importance of bids, asking your partner when is a good time to talk (often if one person wants to talk about something, they start talking without asking first), the importance of being attuned to your partner, being heard, listened to, seen - all the 'staples' of a strong foundation - all important. The OCEAN assessment is also something that we use in our field. Thanks for all of these reminders and the information!
Mark Twain once said something to the effect that people are about as happy as they decide themselves to be. And-some people are not happy unless they are unhappy. People bring a lot of baggage and latent personality traits to the party. Contempt is an extension of how people really feel about the other down deep. Contempt is the acting out of a deeper seated problem. If you really love the other person, you cherish them. Contempt is an ugly intrusion into any relationship.Because a person does not “lean in” immediately could be due to the many distractions of the day(including the damn cell phone). Making time to talk, turning down the tv volume or muting it is a compliment to the other person. Always show that he or she is the most important person in the room!