Let me ask you a few questions
That's how you'll know if it's good advice.
Over on Inc.com, my friend and longtime colleague Jeff Haden had an interesting take recently on the difference between "advice" and "feedback." If I can summarize his distinction:
Asking for advice involves soliciting someone else's ideas so that you might improve what you're doing.
Asking for feedback, on the other hand, can be more like asking someone to grade your performance.
It’s well worth reading his whole column, and I was glad that gave me the chance to share a trick I’ve learned about how to get and give good advice (and maybe spot the difference).
Count the questions
Let’s assume your goal is advice, not feedback. How do you get past platitudes and easy answers, so that you’re either getting or giving real potential value?
As psychologist Veronika Tait puts it: Ask at least three questions before offering suggestions:
How can I best help you right now?
What else can you tell me about the predicament you face?
What advice would you give to someone in your situation?
Tait’s take seems geared more toward interpersonal advice; in fact, the example she uses comes from the “flood of unsolicited advice” she saw on the TV show Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.
But the same principles seem to hold in business advice as well — regardless of whether you’re asking for advice or being asked for your expertise.
Investor and entrepreneur Daniel Gross had a great take on this a few years back, suggesting that Advice Givers in business often want to be helpful — but they’re also probably very busy!
“The Giver isn’t really thinking about your business. They’re pattern matching. The Giver will often give you the advice that comes with the most cognitive ease. The simplest advice, instead of the most correct advice.”
As a corollary, the Advice Giver isn’t likely to spend a lot of time asking questions. They’re more inclined to offer quick thoughts (more like feedback, in fact!) and move on.
Why stop at three?
Ultimately, the goal of an Advice Giver who truly wants to be helpful might not be to offer solutions as much as it is to spark a moment of insight on the part of the Advice Asker.
After all, it’s the Advice Asker who has the most information — and ultimately it’s the Advice Asker who is responsible for the decision.
As a result, I’ve come up with a whole host of all-purpose questions to ask in almost any context — or even to ask yourself, when you find that you’re the one looking for advice.
Among them:
What do you think you should do? (Pretty close to one of Tait’s suggestions, I concede.)
What do other stakeholders want you to do? (Instead of “stakeholders” maybe use specifics: “customers” or “your investors” or even “your parents”?)
What’s the worst that could happen?
If nobody else’s opinion mattered, what would you do?
What data or facts would help you feel better about your decision?
What’s the deadline? Is there a way you can push the deadline back?
What happens if you simply don’t decide?
Finally, who else are you asking for advice?
Even if these questions don’t work for you in a particular situation, I hope the point is clear: When asked for advice, make it your default setting to ask questions.
And if you’ve asked someone else for advice and you want to judge how good their suggestions might be, start by counting how many questions they’ve asked you.
On that note, let me take my own advice.
What other go-to questions can you come up with to help give better advice?
Maybe let us know in the comments?
7 other things worth knowing
Attorney General Pam Bondi informed President Trump in the spring that his name appeared in the Jeffrey Epstein files, according to three people with knowledge of the exchange. Separately, the second-highest ranking Justice Department official, deputy attorney general Todd Blanche, who was previously Trump's criminal defense lawyer, said he plans to met with Ghislaine Maxwell, serving a 20-year prison sentence in the Epstein case. (The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal)
U.S. deportees, freed from El Salvador's CECOT prison and sent to Venuzeula, are describing their experience, and it sounds like a horror movie. Response from DHS: "Once again the media is falling all over themselves to defend criminal illegal gang members. We hear far too much about gang members and criminals’ false sob stories and not enough about their victims.” The three men interviewed denied any gang affiliations. Neither the U.S. nor El Salvador has provided evidence that they are gang members. (The Washington Post)
The World Health Organization’s chief warned Wednesday of widespread starvation in Gaza, with food deliveries into the war-ravaged Palestinian territory “far below what is needed for the survival of the population.” The Israeli government in response said it was not responsible, instead accusing Palestinian militants Hamas of deliberately creating a food shortage crisis. (The Guardian)
After a decade of Amazon saying Alexa isn’t listening to your every word, the company is buying a bracelet that can. Bee’s wearable transcribes all the conversations in your day, including when you talk to yourself. It then uses artificial intelligence to turn that giant word soup into a searchable history, offering up key events and even to-do lists based on your chatter. (WSJ)
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's multi-year deal with Netflix will not be renewed when it expires in September. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex signed a reported $100 million agreement with the streaming service in 2020. Now, as the contract nears its end, it will conclude without renewal, according to reports. (People)
San Francisco banned homeless people from living in RVs by adopting strict new parking limits the mayor says are necessary to keep sidewalks clear and prevent trash buildup. The policy, which received final approval Tuesday, targets at least 400 recreational vehicles in the city of 800,000 people. The RVs serve as shelter for people who can't afford housing, including immigrant families with kids. (Yahoo News)
An electrical engineer in rural Vermont is reviving old pay phones to give people a free option for making calls in areas where cell service is unreliable or nonexistent: "I don’t think they should end up in a landfill. They should be recycled and put to good use." (ABC News)
Thanks for reading. Photo by Ana Municio on Unsplash. I wrote about some of this before at Inc.com. See you in the comments.
So we’re moving from self deporting to self reporting. Alexa can now surveil us 24/7 on our Bee bracelet which we will purchase and choose to wear? If the government required this we would be up in arms. How stupid have we become that such an invasive product is even available, let alone willingly worn?
Epstein was a very sick individual and I am sick of hearing about him. I try my best not to give advice as I can backfire no matter whether the asker follows it or not. Good way to kill a friendship.
I miss payphones! You could talk s long as you had change, no one could hack into your conversations and it was tough to trace.
As for Gaza, that is just sad all around. No winners in that conflict, nor any end to that conflict.
Same with the homeless. So many of them are drug addicts and mentally ill and cannot function in housing. And then there is the group who prey on them and have no interest in following societal rules. It’s about so much more than just housing, but banning things that are all people can afford isn’t the answer either. In a perfect world, there would be sufficient housing that people living on minimum wage could afford, but this world is far from perfect. No profit for developers in building that kind of housing.