Let's count the invoices!

A story of politeness.

Just before Christmas, I wrote here about politeness as a habit.

It costs almost nothing, takes almost no time, and research suggests people actually trust you more when you practice it.

Guess what happened? Quite a few readers commented and emailed me to say “thank you” for having written it. There’s no irony like polite irony.

This got me thinking about one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, at least during the digital media age. I’d actually forgotten the context slightly so I had to go back and find it.

This goes back a few years, when I got an email from a PR firm pitching a story about a Canadian accounting software company that had ranked all of the U.S. states by how polite they were.

The hook, tailored to me since I live in the New York City area, was that New York had ranked near the bottom in a list of the most polite U.S. states.

Meh. But, then I read the rest of it.

FreshBooks had gone through thousands of invoices sent by its U.S. small-business customers and counted how often words like *please* and *thank you* appeared.

Then, they grouped the results by state and ranked all 50.

No, this was not a double-blind study in a peer-reviewed journal. It was closer to a publicity stunt. But it made me laugh, partly because the company was Canadian.

I was born and grew up in the U.S., but my mother was born in Montreal.

Growing up, my siblings and I had a funny relationship with Canada: we enjoyed visiting, but we also ribbed my mom about stereotypes, accents, and the idea that Canadians were *extra polite*.

So now here was a Canadian company judging Americans on their manners.

I called a Canadian friend, and he gave me my favorite line that basically assured I was going to write something:

“Just because we Canadians are polite,” he said, “don’t assume that means we’re nice.”

FreshBooks’ co-founder, Mike McDerment, was also game.

He left me a voicemail explaining the project that was, fittingly, extremely polite. At one point, he said he thought Canada’s reputation for politeness came from the fact that people there say “sorry” constantly — sometimes when nothing is actually their fault.

Anyway, ranked all 50 states. I’m not going to run the full list again here, but a few things jumped out.

• New Jersey — where I live — was near the bottom. That felt fair.

• New York and Nebraska were tied, which may be the only context in which that has ever happened.

• Massachusetts finished much higher than I expected. I’ve lived there, gone to school there, and have family there, so I can say that.

• I grew up in neighboring Rhode Island which ranked even higher. We tend to say “please” when we want someone to repeat themselves in Rhode Island; maybe that’s a clue. Anyway: 18 percent polite.

And then there was Oklahoma (”the Sooner State;” had to look that up for this aside, tbh) came in first by a mile.

Nearly half of the invoices FreshBooks analyzed from Oklahoma included polite language.

I had an assistant at the time and we spent a few hours reading to local TV stations, radio hosts, newspapers, politicians, and assorted local celebrities—basically anyone we could find with a platform in Oklahoma—all to try to get people to share the story.

It worked! Regional pride kicked in. TV meteorologists especially shared it on their social media accounts.

In the end, about 300,000 people read that article.

I think people liked it because it was a bit tongue-in-cheek, and because people like to hear good things about themselves, and maybe because we were exceedingly and fittingly polite in our outreach.

Thanks for the chance to share that one!

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A few other things worth the time to read them

• An ICE agent shot and killed a U.S. citizen in Minneapolis Wednesday. DHS Kristi Noem claimed the woman had tried to ram her car into ICE agents; Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey called that narrative “garbage,” adding: “They are already trying to spin this is action [as] self-defense. Having seen the video myself, that is bull****.” The woman was identified as Renee Nicole Good, 37, mother of a 6-year old child. (Star-Tribune)

• The United States seized a Russian-flagged oil tanker after a weekslong chase on the high seas. The Kremlin, which backs Venezuela’s Nicolás Maduro, accused the U.S. of violating maritime law. (NBC News)

• New federal nutrition guidelines quietly abandoned a 45-year recommendation on alcohol consumption. The updated guidance drops the familiar “two drinks for men, one for women” framing, while emphasizing whole foods, protein, and less added sugar. (AP)

• Pittsburgh’s Post-Gazette will print its final edition on May 3. The paper has served the region in some form since 1786 and has won multiple Pulitzer Prizes, but its owners say it has lost more than $350 million over the past 20 years. (Axios)

• Greenlanders are pushing back against renewed talk of U.S. interest in acquiring the territory, saying the idea ignores both history and reality. (BBC)

• Jay-Z is now the richest musician in the world, with an estimated fortune of $2.5 billion. Beyoncé is close behind at about $1 billion; Taylor Swift, Bruce Springsteen, and Rihanna are also near the top. (PennLive)

• The cost of youth sports continues to climb. In some communities, it now costs $50 just to try out—and $3,000 or more per season to play. (The Washington Post)

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Thanks for reading. Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash. I wrote about some of this before at Inc.com. See you in the comments.