The high intonation might be acceptable if you are early in the planning stage and still considering ideas from your staff. However, if this is something that upper management has decided and is communicating to subordinates then a declarative statement is best.
I find this phenom not uncommom when I call customer service and the respresentative is a woman and Southern. I always feel like they are courteous and so want to help me. And the outcome is very satisfactory.
I have always considered this just a mechanism to encourage participation or acknowledgement from the listener(s). Possibly accompanied by hand gestures to individuals if in front of an audience. Not necessarily requesting buy-in, but just trying to make sure the listener is paying attention to the statement and possibly open for future discussion. Even if it is perceived as uncertainty, if there is a response from the listener this opens the opportunity for actual communication.
“ A valley girl is a socioeconomic, linguistic, and youth subcultural stereotype and stock character originating during the 1980s…”
Statistically, when watching a speaker, people remember 55% of how they look, 38% of what they sound like and 7% of what they actually said. If “valley girl speak” resonates with someone retention is logically improved by 38%; the opposite is true if not. I personally have a difficult time listening to someone that speaks in this manner and am always yearning for them to get to their point and resolve the questions. I also struggle to take them seriously.
How you propose an "idea" can be dictated by the party you are addressing - i.e. proposal to a "boss" might be best stated as "would you consider"? Could then open up the conversation for exploration of other ideas.
First, I think it is a weak argument to suggest that the person speaking is seeking buy-in. If buy-in is truly the aim, I believe it is the responsibility of the speaker to pause and ask for buy-in. If I want to gauge whether or not people are on board with me, I ask them. If I speak as if I am unsure what I'm talking about (how that style sounds to me), then I have no expectation that anyone is going to chime in and say "hear, hear."
Second, these "generational" difference arguments always seem like a ploy to get older folks to acquiesce to something they disagree with so they won't be seen as an old fart. The first time I witnessed this speaking style was at least 30 years ago, from a woman very high up in the Fortune 100 organization I worked for, speaking to a group of women, who were mostly put off by her "valley girl speak." She was older and in a position of authority, decades ago. I didn't like it then, and I'm not convinced it's anything more than a tic now.
Finally, emotional intelligence is a worthwhile concept and I don't think it's something that should be hijacked by folks who want to claim that's what they've got when they do things others find weird.
Can you tell me…even though I was a National Victim’s Advocate, did a lot of public speaking even in Washington, someone recently said I had a “passive” voice? What?
I have a sweet family who attend church with me every week and EVERY ONE of them speak this way. They are farmers, not corporate folk. It’s a generational thing and is prevalent in all the members of their extended family. Even after years of fellowship it irritates me to listen to them, although I know that they’re nice people without an agenda. Still, the English teacher in me cringes!
I agree with your theory Bill. I know I do this, but don’t think anyone has ever mentioned how apparently it is so annoying. I ask questions for the team to step up and figure it out and answer. When I am in a meeting or group setting trying to make a decision, although I could make the decision and tell the group what to do, I choose not to approach it that way. Rather, I would like to lead the group to their own, best collective approach, so they are on board and excited about that approach and execute it as their own, because it is their own. I feel it builds their confidence, their skills, their leadership and I often learn something as well.
One can deliver a message with high emotional intelligence without speaking in questions.
If you want to gauge buy-in or see if your words are reaching people as you intend them to, pause and ask.
Don’t speak in questions, or you’re already limiting the buy-in you’ll receive.
The difference is this: Speaking in questions comes across as though you are wondering if people are with you because you’re second-guessing yourself. However, if you speak with confidence, then pause and ask ”buy-in” or “with me” questions, you’re separating your position from the “do you get it?” from others.
I know a 33 year old woman who is fiery, fiercely passionate in her opinions, articulate AF, and working actively as a defender of oppressed people everywhere. She’s one of the most persuasive people I’ve ever known. In a previous career she was wildly successful in nationwide sales, rose to the top in her company almost instantly. She uses this speech habit a LOT. She is animated, engaging, persuasive, forceful but pulls it all off in a way that’s less likely to offend those she’s arguing with because… maybe, you know, she’s nice and irresistibly cute about it?
I find that people from certain parts of Pennsylvania (e.g. Allentown) tend to end sentences with this rising inflection. Also, Brits frequently end sentences with "isn't it?" or, in their actual parlance, "innit?" which makes them sound (to me anyway) somewhat unsure of the proposition that they're stating. But this is just my unscientific observation, isn't it?
You were right the first time. A new surgeon joined our practice and used this type of intonation. Your son needs surgery? The parents were not sure if he was asking them or telling them. i pulled him aside and told him that patients (and their families) come to us for a professional "answer" not questions as to their need for corrective surgery. He responded that he had no idea he even spoke this way. after he realized how he spoke, he changed and the patients were MUCH happier.
I have noticed this uptick in speech a lot more during the pandemic when meetings shifted over to virtual means with a diverse audience. It was effective in getting feedback or reassurance over a presentation especially when people were either easily distracted or uncomfortable with this new way of communicating. The common ones were "does this make sense?" or "would you agree?"
The high intonation might be acceptable if you are early in the planning stage and still considering ideas from your staff. However, if this is something that upper management has decided and is communicating to subordinates then a declarative statement is best.
I find this phenom not uncommom when I call customer service and the respresentative is a woman and Southern. I always feel like they are courteous and so want to help me. And the outcome is very satisfactory.
I just thought it was people from California who spoke this waaaay?
I have always considered this just a mechanism to encourage participation or acknowledgement from the listener(s). Possibly accompanied by hand gestures to individuals if in front of an audience. Not necessarily requesting buy-in, but just trying to make sure the listener is paying attention to the statement and possibly open for future discussion. Even if it is perceived as uncertainty, if there is a response from the listener this opens the opportunity for actual communication.
Didn’t this begin with the “Valley Girl” speak?
“ A valley girl is a socioeconomic, linguistic, and youth subcultural stereotype and stock character originating during the 1980s…”
Statistically, when watching a speaker, people remember 55% of how they look, 38% of what they sound like and 7% of what they actually said. If “valley girl speak” resonates with someone retention is logically improved by 38%; the opposite is true if not. I personally have a difficult time listening to someone that speaks in this manner and am always yearning for them to get to their point and resolve the questions. I also struggle to take them seriously.
How you propose an "idea" can be dictated by the party you are addressing - i.e. proposal to a "boss" might be best stated as "would you consider"? Could then open up the conversation for exploration of other ideas.
I take issue with three points.
First, I think it is a weak argument to suggest that the person speaking is seeking buy-in. If buy-in is truly the aim, I believe it is the responsibility of the speaker to pause and ask for buy-in. If I want to gauge whether or not people are on board with me, I ask them. If I speak as if I am unsure what I'm talking about (how that style sounds to me), then I have no expectation that anyone is going to chime in and say "hear, hear."
Second, these "generational" difference arguments always seem like a ploy to get older folks to acquiesce to something they disagree with so they won't be seen as an old fart. The first time I witnessed this speaking style was at least 30 years ago, from a woman very high up in the Fortune 100 organization I worked for, speaking to a group of women, who were mostly put off by her "valley girl speak." She was older and in a position of authority, decades ago. I didn't like it then, and I'm not convinced it's anything more than a tic now.
Finally, emotional intelligence is a worthwhile concept and I don't think it's something that should be hijacked by folks who want to claim that's what they've got when they do things others find weird.
But that's just, like, my opinion, man.
Can you tell me…even though I was a National Victim’s Advocate, did a lot of public speaking even in Washington, someone recently said I had a “passive” voice? What?
I have a sweet family who attend church with me every week and EVERY ONE of them speak this way. They are farmers, not corporate folk. It’s a generational thing and is prevalent in all the members of their extended family. Even after years of fellowship it irritates me to listen to them, although I know that they’re nice people without an agenda. Still, the English teacher in me cringes!
I agree with your theory Bill. I know I do this, but don’t think anyone has ever mentioned how apparently it is so annoying. I ask questions for the team to step up and figure it out and answer. When I am in a meeting or group setting trying to make a decision, although I could make the decision and tell the group what to do, I choose not to approach it that way. Rather, I would like to lead the group to their own, best collective approach, so they are on board and excited about that approach and execute it as their own, because it is their own. I feel it builds their confidence, their skills, their leadership and I often learn something as well.
One can deliver a message with high emotional intelligence without speaking in questions.
If you want to gauge buy-in or see if your words are reaching people as you intend them to, pause and ask.
Don’t speak in questions, or you’re already limiting the buy-in you’ll receive.
The difference is this: Speaking in questions comes across as though you are wondering if people are with you because you’re second-guessing yourself. However, if you speak with confidence, then pause and ask ”buy-in” or “with me” questions, you’re separating your position from the “do you get it?” from others.
I know a 33 year old woman who is fiery, fiercely passionate in her opinions, articulate AF, and working actively as a defender of oppressed people everywhere. She’s one of the most persuasive people I’ve ever known. In a previous career she was wildly successful in nationwide sales, rose to the top in her company almost instantly. She uses this speech habit a LOT. She is animated, engaging, persuasive, forceful but pulls it all off in a way that’s less likely to offend those she’s arguing with because… maybe, you know, she’s nice and irresistibly cute about it?
I agree with Bill.
I find that people from certain parts of Pennsylvania (e.g. Allentown) tend to end sentences with this rising inflection. Also, Brits frequently end sentences with "isn't it?" or, in their actual parlance, "innit?" which makes them sound (to me anyway) somewhat unsure of the proposition that they're stating. But this is just my unscientific observation, isn't it?
You were right the first time. A new surgeon joined our practice and used this type of intonation. Your son needs surgery? The parents were not sure if he was asking them or telling them. i pulled him aside and told him that patients (and their families) come to us for a professional "answer" not questions as to their need for corrective surgery. He responded that he had no idea he even spoke this way. after he realized how he spoke, he changed and the patients were MUCH happier.
Can this be presented in an audio format? As an untrained ear it would help absorbing the effect to be able to listen to both methods of presentation.
I have noticed this uptick in speech a lot more during the pandemic when meetings shifted over to virtual means with a diverse audience. It was effective in getting feedback or reassurance over a presentation especially when people were either easily distracted or uncomfortable with this new way of communicating. The common ones were "does this make sense?" or "would you agree?"