Ralph and Kelly Flagg ...
... who relocated with their son to North Carolina for a year — and one year only.
A recurring joke in my family (but is it?) is that my daughter had better pick a wonderful place to go to college, since her mother and I are probably going to follow her there.
Maybe Miami? San Diego? Malibu?
Do they have universities on the Mediterranean coast in France?
Honey, anywhere with a sunny climate and a moderately-sized city, and we will make it work.
We’re still a few years from that.
But, the prospect makes me feel like I have a tiny bit in common with Ralph and Kelly Flagg, the parents of Duke University men’s basketball star Cooper Flagg.
Two months ago, Flagg and the Duke Blue Devils came up just short in the NCAA men's basketball championship, losing to the University of Houston.
But this week is his next chapter, as Flagg is the consensus No. 1 pick at the NBA draft.
North Carolina
Frankly, that's been the consensus since long before Cooper Flagg began his everyone-knew-it, one-and-done college career at Duke -- and when his parents packed up everything and moved from Maine to North Carolina alongside him.
Oh right, there's the hook: His parents actually made the move.
Out of the gate, you have to recognize that the evolution of NIL payments in the NCAA – short for “Name, Image, and Likeness” – has reorganized the game in college sports.
Flagg has made an estimated $4.8 million in NIL fees this year as one of the most-recognized NCAA men’s basketball players, which changes the math significantly for his family.
Still, it’s a big move to literally relocate for your child’s success.
It’s also why one of the experiences Flagg’s parents had after moving struck me so hard, as outlined in an interview that his mother, Kelly Flagg, did with The Athletic earlier this year.
In short, she revealed how during fall break at Duke, Cooper Flagg decided to stay on campus with two friends and teammates – one from Africa, and the other from Australia – rather than visit his parents, who were living in a nearby condo furnished by his NIL deals.
“My mom heart was a little bit bruised,” Kelly Flagg told The Athletic, “but then I was also super happy and proud of the fact that he loves it here, and he’s having the best time being a college kid. I think, because it’s a short opportunity, he’s trying to get the most out of it.”
How to help your kids (maybe)
I’ve talked with a lot of successful people as a journalist over the years, and most of us seem to agree on one thing: My success matters to me, but my kids’ success matters even more.
OK, maybe you’re not into college basketball. Maybe you don't follow Cooper Flagg?
No worries. If things go the way a lot of knowledgeable people think they will, 10 or 20 years from now, not knowing his name will be like not knowing Michael Jordan or LeBron James.
All of that is in the future. What’s in the past is the clear effort that Flagg’s parents have made, both physically and mentally, to help their son achieve success.
It’s not easy. It’s not guaranteed. It’s not necessarily even something I’d recommend. But sometimes, it takes sacrifice. What’s more, it all comes back to what Flagg’s mom told The Athletic.
Did I mention Matthew Schaefer?
Raising kids is wild, in my experience: a nonstop fire hose of joy … and other emotions. At any moment, you don’t know for sure what’s coming next. In the long run, being a parent is so worth it and life-affirming.
That’s why I like Flagg’s mom’s quote so much: heartbreak and pride in the same moment. It’s all the cliche – you want to give your kids both roots to grow, and wings to fly.
Look, I'm hilariously bad at basketball and it's never been my sport.
I'm more into the NHL draft that also takes place this week -- and maybe I'll include something about the inspiring story of the consensus number-1 pick in that draft, Matthew Schaefer, in the Free for ALL Friday edition this week.
But, I hope Ralph and Kelly Flagg see the kind of payoff that they hope will happen for their son.
Back to Malibu
It’s also how life goes, for some of us. You want your kids to be even more successful than you’ve been, and you’re willing to do things like uproot yourself and move somewhere else if that’s what’s required.
Obviously, you’re the one who has to do the cost-benefit analysis for your kids. But even being willing to do that analysis can be inspiring in and of itself.
But if you can consider that cathartic combination of heartbreak and pride, you might find that you’re a bit more likely to find that you’ve helped your kids achieve success, too.
So, go parents! My wife and daughter and I will be watching.
Speaking of which, dear daughter, I have two words for you: Pepperdine University.
I don't know what you'll want to major in, but I doubt the Murphy family would mind spending four years in Malibu.
7 other things worth knowing today
President Donald Trump on Monday announced a ceasefire between Israel and Iran after a nearly two-week war between the two countries. Trump, in a post on Truth Social, said that the ceasefire would take effect just after midnight on the East Coast of the United States, with the war slated to officially end 12 hours later. (Politico)
Trump previously thanked Iran for giving the United States advance notice of the coming missile strike on America’s Al Udeid Air Base in Qatar. The notice, he wrote on social media, “made it possible for no lives to be lost, and nobody to be injured.” Stocks closed higher Monday on optimism that Iran’s retaliation for U.S. bombings of its nuclear facilities would be limited to the missile attack. (CNBC)
The Supreme Court paused a judge's order requiring migrants be given the chance to contest they'd be harmed if removed to countries other than their own, a big win for the Trump administration's efforts to rapidly deport them. The majority did not provide an explanation for their emergency decision, but the court's three liberal justices – Sonia Sotomayor, Elena Kagan and Ketanji Brown Jackson – dissented: "Apparently, the Court finds the idea that thousands will suffer violence in farflung locales more palatable than the remote possibility that a District Court exceeded its remedial powers," wrote Sotomayor. (USA Today)
Florida is building a detention facility for migrants nicknamed “Alligator Alcatraz,” turning an airfield in the Everglades into the newest — and scariest-sounding — holding center designed to help the Trump administration carry out its immigration crackdown. The remote facility, comprised of large tents, and other planned facilities will cost the state around $450 million a year. (New York Times)
Hawaii tourism is 'significantly down,' and experts are worried. (SF Gate)
It's a barrier no woman has ever broken: Can Faith Kipyegon, the mile world record holder and three-time Olympic champion from Kenya, become the first woman to run a mile in under four minutes? (NBC News)
Venice’s most guarded secret: Inside the Bezos-Sanchez wedding plans. (CNN)
Thanks for reading. Photo by Zequan Tang on Unsplash. I wrote about some of this before at Inc.com. See you in the comments.
At least you're willing to live in Malibu for four years so your kid can have a true college experience and all that means. I'm not surprised Cooper didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with his pro-career-obsessed helicopter, freeloading parents.
Part of wanting the best for your kids is keeping priorities straight.
I disagree with Flagg’s mom. Your kids should live their life, not be pressured by parental expectations. And parents should not be living vicariously through their kids. What happens when the kid blows out his knee in practice next week and all the Money is gone?
Speaking of money, I think it’s obscene that someone in college I being paid $4.8. Million for playing a sport. Then again, I think most sports salaries are obscene. I hope he (and his family) don’t get too used to living on that amount, as it can be gone in a flash.