Here's my ongoing list of the scariest things you can ever hear at work. Also, 7 other things worth knowing today.
I had a manager in the 90's who had the philosophy of "praise publicly, criticize privately" which we all respected. The down side was when she would walk to an employee's desk and say "um, can you step in my office for a minute"? It became such an ongoing joke that the rest of would loudly hum the funeral march as the employee walked toward the office. Fun times
We used to send emails from other employees computers when they forgot to lock them. Usually it would be me with a department head sending the em from one of my direct report’s staff to the department head. You can only imagine the things we sent.
This morning our employees are going to hear "We have no water. The plumber will be here at 8:30."
The one about revaluating the remote work policy is indeed my biggest nightmare.
the majority of white collar workers have offices like this. And that is precisely why there are hundreds of books promising the faint possibility of the opposite. I'm sure if I wrote one, it would outsell my current business book which simply tried to be practical.
Many years ago: I started a new job and about 3 months later (think end of probationary period...but for a job where they really wanted me to come work for them.) my boss comes to me and says, "let's go to HR. We have a package for you." OMG! I'm in shock! I thought I was doing well - I mean, really amazing work. Sure there were some challenges, but in IT, that's to be expected, but I was shaking things up, doing things differently, but I thought in an approved way.... I'm in shock. How could they be letting me go? We walk to HR - into the VP of HR's office! - I'm in more shock. In so much shock, I nearly cried when the packet was for the bonus program. At the end of the meeting I recommended never telling someone they were going to HR for a package....they then figured out what I must have been thinking, and we all had a laugh. I will never forget that day ever!
I haven't prepared a career plan for you because you are married, so money doesn't matter to you.
Happy that I retired early so none of this scares me! Happy Halloween!
1. "We need you to cut $000,000 from your budget!"
2. After three weeks on your new job, having been personally recruited by the CEO: "I've decided to take early retirement. We have no succession plan . You'll need to recruit my replacement."
3. From the receptionist: "There are a couple of FBI agents here to see you."
Ha! Which one to pick? How about. “Upon reviewing your expense account from the trade show, exactly how many people did you take to the Russian Tea Room?”
Who else thinks Musk-is a “B”.?
Heard this little gem 5 yrs ago as my company got bought out by a 6B publicly traded corporation and management flew in from corporate to meet with their new employees:
“Nothing’s gonna change. Not a thing. We bought you because you were doing things right. Keep doing what you’re doing!”
Two weeks later, the changes started. EVERYTHING changed.
Some for the marketers:
Did you mean to send out that campaign with that subject line?
Who proofed that campaign graphic for you?
Did you mean to send out that campaign like that?
Some other corporate ones:
Did you see that on the CEO's update?
Your boss is retiring.
So your grandboss and I decided it's a good idea that you...
As a middle manager, early on with my career, I worked for a smallish company…70 employees. I was one of 5 that ran it while the owners made the decisions.
The phrase that struck fear in me the most was: “We’re gonna have a party!” They came up with THE DUMBEST ways to improve morale, and as the managers, we HAD to partake in ALL OF IT. Lol I kid you not, these were scenes right out of Office Space. From “Let’s all wear ugly Hawaiian shirts!” to “Let’s do Karaoke!”, I could never say, “Umm, I’m sitting this one out.” I’m chuckling as I write this, remembering being up with one other manager singing The B-52’s “Love Shack” in front of 70 people.
I spent 10 Halloweens carving pumpkins for the damned pumpkin carving contest.
To my former boss: “You want to improve morale? Get better insurance. Take less vacations and be here more often. Fire that d***head who’s great with numbers but sucks with people.”
I’m not bitter. Lol
I told off the head of the firm I worked for because he was bullying me. I was 19 years old and he could make grown women cry. But at 19, I felt he had nothing to lose,
so I loudly asked him where he learned his manners! He said “my mother”. “Well, she did a lousy job! And don’t you dare talk to me like that again!” I went home.
The next day, I showed up at work knowing I was going to be fired, but decided that folks in the firm had to stand up for themselves. Everyone was laughing when I arrived. I didn’t think it was funny. Finally I was called into the Office Manager’s office. He was still laughing. Then he said “What job do you want in the firm (within your skill set) and how much salary do you want?” 😳 I became the assistant in the library at a living wage.
For anyone in active patient health care(especially in the Emergency Dept.): “Do you remember that patient you saw yesterday?” Always a bad omen about something you missed or may have done wrong. Occasionally about something you did right.