I can only second intervention. I was bullied for ten years until I switched schools and my mother's advice was to pretend it didn't happen. I perfected the art of pretending I did not care, while I was tormented on the inside. But: it made me stand up for others and intervene on their behalf. I never thought to link my being an empath to the years of being bullied, but it totally makes sense. Thank you for sharing Bill!
I wasn’t bullied at school, I was bullied at home, though I’m sure my antics at school (standing up to teachers and defending bullied kids) showed that something was clearly wrong somewhere. Then the most embarrassing moment in my life - at the school’s father-daughter dinner my father stands up and announces what a coward I am. Talk about humiliation! But it totally turned things around at school. Some of my teachers were there and it was an Ah-ha moment for them. From that day on, I was treated so differently at school that my grades went from C- to Honor Roll. I loved school and went on later to get a Master’s Degree, much to my father’s chagrin. Who would have known that the worst moment growing up would turn into the lotus flower of a lifetime.
Oh my, this breaks my heart. We have two daughters and my husband/their dad is a fantastic father who always has their backs. I'm sorry you didn't have that support, but I'm glad you overcame it. Not many people would/could. [hugs]
Kara, there was a book I read when I was about 19 called “The Resilient Self”. When I read what those kids went through, I knew I could get through anything. There’s a lot of inspiration out there.
I am so glad that you were able to rebound from this incident and all of the ones that were not public. I'm sure it was not easy and I admire you for taking this defining moment to positively change the course of your life. And blessings to those who helped you along. All the best to you which you deserve.
Mary Kay, thank you! Luckily I’ve been able to help others who have been challenged and also take solace with those who have been through worse. When obstacles are thrown in our path, we can see them as challenges or deterrents. I can’t say I’ve always chosen well, but I’ve always learned something regardless.
Good for you for standing up!! I once stood up to a bully but my experience was more like Ralphie in A Christmas Story. I just sort of snapped! In 7th grade, there was this 9th grade girl who, for some unknown reason, apparently hated my guts. I'd literally never spoken to her and while we did have one or two mutual acquaintences, I had zero connection to her. But she would constantly glare at me in the hallways, stare me down at bus study, prank call my house to harrass me, etc. She never physically touched me but I was incredibly intimidated. I was a nerdy girl, straight A student, etc. and she was rough, gritty....the stereotypical scenario. My mom knew about it, but I begged her not to call the school, fearing that would make it worse. In fact, the bully's mother even worked at my mom's office on the nighttime cleaning crew, so they were familiar with one another. Again, I begged mom not to say anything. One day in the cafeteria, the bully made a gesture like she was shooting at me by making her hands into the shape of a pistol. Today, of course, this would be extremely alarming, but this was in the days long before school shootings were a thing. I don't know what possessed me, but I SNAPPED. In front of a full cafeteria, I stood up, squared up with her and yelled, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? I've never done anything to you, never even spoken a word to you. What is your problem with me? Tell me now so we can work this out RIGHT NOW." I was shaking like a leaf and fully prepared to get my clock cleaned in front of the whole school. The entire cafeteria fell silent. She looked at me like a deer in headlights. Without saying a word, she turned around, walked away and took her seat. And that was the end of that. She never bothered me again. It took probably 15 minutes for the adrenaline rush to subside and my heart rate to return to normal, but to this day, even if I'd gotten the crap beat out of me, it would have been 100% worth it.
Is this the first time you have talked about your bullying experience? I hope you felt that inner kindness spread throughout your body and mind as you released those thoughts and let them drift away. Being bullied is a tough experience to keep locked inside, even after all those years.
As a 7th grader, I was in a head-on collision that left me with a large bandage wrapped around my head. Empathy wasn't in the 7th grade dictionary at that time.
Thank you for sharing your story. You have probably stirred up memories for a lot of your readers. 💜
When my son was being bullied in 5th grade, I said the parent-y thing of just stay away. My son said when you tell me to stay away, you make this my problem, my responsibility. Gut punch. Immediate intervening!
Wow, that's an articulate and self-aware son you have. I'm impressed (with him and your parenting) that he was comfortable and capable of expressing that to you.
Re the NYPost article. This publication is usually pretty sensationalist and I have a difficult time placing confidence in their reporting, so much so that I use m6 time for more legitimate publications. Here is a different take on the story, just as legitimate as the NYP:
It describes Russian soldiers shooting themselves so they can go home. I also understand that, so far, this video has been unable to be verified.
Of all the atrocities we has seen in Ukraine perpetrated by the Russians it is amazing we would so quickly focus on something like this - especially something unverified. Unless it is verified AND we see more evidence of this behavior, I believe it is Russian propaganda. Even if it were true, I would want to know what prompted this act.
Did these Russians provoke this kind of treatment? Did the alleged Ukrainian soldiers see these Russians hurting women and children and reacted? I could go on as these is so much we do not know. And if it is true, shooting them in the leg is far better than torture or outright killing them
I heard a comedian on local radio this morning make an interesting comment. If it had been "The Rock" (Dwayne Johnson) instead of Chris Rock on stage making the joke, Wil Smith would have stayed in his seat. It all depends on perspective.
I think the Ukrainian soldiers shooting Russian POWs in the legs after seeing women and children brutally murdered should be sent to bed without their dinner. Of course, no one in Ukraine has dinner now so... I don't intend levity on this subject. Again, it all depends on perspective.
I went to a rough city school where kids had knives. I saw some stuff go down, I tell you. You didn't get your books knocked off your desk - you got your teeth knocked out. You needed to either be tough or manage to act it well enough that you were left alone. But some of those kids, man, they could really fight.
It wasn’t the book knocker. It was the sheer hell at the previous school. I resolved that the only reaction that would work would be a complete over reaction to whatever tiny thing happened.
Will Smith was absolutely in the right when he confronted Chris Rock _verbally_. Rock's joke was out of line. Smith was 100% in the wrong when he assaulted Rock.
Will Smith was absolutely in the right to defend his wife _verbally_. Chris Rock's joke was distasteful and out of line, whether or not he knew why the lady had the hairstyle she did. Smith was 100% wrong to have assaulted Rock.
Heck of a read Bill and thanks for that. Glad your folks could and did take action and that you did as well.
I moved often and was always big so as the new big guy I was last on any bully’s list. I think, hope, I stood up for others. I have a very low empathy level though which I now find even more interesting.
“Schladimir Scootin” is a clever rhyme. Today's read is relatable whether you've been bullied, a bully yourself, or have children or relatives who've been through this B.S. I call it. My 1st grader has already named two kids in his class that he refers to as "mean kids" at least to other kids but not to him. It's sad to realize that my 6 yrs old may be dealing with this type of ill behavior in class. I now question him after school each day to see how his day went and if anyone was mean in his class.
By the way, Will Smith should be ashamed of how he handled himself on stage. I would've been embarrassed if my husband did that to "protect me" and of course, we are not the Smiths. I believe there's a more subtle and civilized way to do it without violence and profanity. I was appalled and wished someone else was brave enough to StAnD uP to condemn it. Luckily for Will that it wasn't "The Rock" he hit. INTERVENE wins!
My goodness! Reading this, I was sure I was back in middle school. I’m a 4’9” woman, so, needless to say, I wasn’t very tall in middle school. I was constantly bullied by this person. She started fights with me once or twice a week. She was much taller. I never understood how a really tall person could start fights with a really short person and then brag about it, but it was middle school! I would fight back at first, then I just ran away. It never ended and I never told my mom. This person had a friend that lived next to me and it turned into a sexual abuse situation. I will spare you the details. Tell someone, report it! It could get worse, much worse, if it’s allowed to continue. I quit school in 9th grade. I was going to be a teacher.
Fast forward to today, and I rehab houses. I’m gray now but no taller. Subcontractors and contractors, come and go. But then there are those that want to fight. They want to argue. They are right, and you will go down agreeing with them or else! It feels the same as it did 40 years ago. I ask the same question.
Will Smith did not have right to touch Chris Rock. He laughed at the joke when it was told. If Jada had a problem, it should have been her fight. It's 2022, even a woman can protect herself. I noticed that when the joke about their open marriage was told, neither of them went up and slapped the woman who told it. Smith needs to get kicked out of the Academy for breaking the rules of conduct. Not everyone knew about Jada's medical issue. I wonder if Smith apologized because he knows the Academy has to take action against him. He was being a bully. There is no excuse at all for his behavior.
I happen to agree with you. That was neither the time nor the place to settle things. Mr Smith played the fool and is collecting the appropriate opprobrium for doing so.
Bravo!!
I can only second intervention. I was bullied for ten years until I switched schools and my mother's advice was to pretend it didn't happen. I perfected the art of pretending I did not care, while I was tormented on the inside. But: it made me stand up for others and intervene on their behalf. I never thought to link my being an empath to the years of being bullied, but it totally makes sense. Thank you for sharing Bill!
I wasn’t bullied at school, I was bullied at home, though I’m sure my antics at school (standing up to teachers and defending bullied kids) showed that something was clearly wrong somewhere. Then the most embarrassing moment in my life - at the school’s father-daughter dinner my father stands up and announces what a coward I am. Talk about humiliation! But it totally turned things around at school. Some of my teachers were there and it was an Ah-ha moment for them. From that day on, I was treated so differently at school that my grades went from C- to Honor Roll. I loved school and went on later to get a Master’s Degree, much to my father’s chagrin. Who would have known that the worst moment growing up would turn into the lotus flower of a lifetime.
Oh my, this breaks my heart. We have two daughters and my husband/their dad is a fantastic father who always has their backs. I'm sorry you didn't have that support, but I'm glad you overcame it. Not many people would/could. [hugs]
Kara, there was a book I read when I was about 19 called “The Resilient Self”. When I read what those kids went through, I knew I could get through anything. There’s a lot of inspiration out there.
I am so glad that you were able to rebound from this incident and all of the ones that were not public. I'm sure it was not easy and I admire you for taking this defining moment to positively change the course of your life. And blessings to those who helped you along. All the best to you which you deserve.
Mary Kay, thank you! Luckily I’ve been able to help others who have been challenged and also take solace with those who have been through worse. When obstacles are thrown in our path, we can see them as challenges or deterrents. I can’t say I’ve always chosen well, but I’ve always learned something regardless.
Ninah, you area hero to so many. 💞
Good for you for standing up!! I once stood up to a bully but my experience was more like Ralphie in A Christmas Story. I just sort of snapped! In 7th grade, there was this 9th grade girl who, for some unknown reason, apparently hated my guts. I'd literally never spoken to her and while we did have one or two mutual acquaintences, I had zero connection to her. But she would constantly glare at me in the hallways, stare me down at bus study, prank call my house to harrass me, etc. She never physically touched me but I was incredibly intimidated. I was a nerdy girl, straight A student, etc. and she was rough, gritty....the stereotypical scenario. My mom knew about it, but I begged her not to call the school, fearing that would make it worse. In fact, the bully's mother even worked at my mom's office on the nighttime cleaning crew, so they were familiar with one another. Again, I begged mom not to say anything. One day in the cafeteria, the bully made a gesture like she was shooting at me by making her hands into the shape of a pistol. Today, of course, this would be extremely alarming, but this was in the days long before school shootings were a thing. I don't know what possessed me, but I SNAPPED. In front of a full cafeteria, I stood up, squared up with her and yelled, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? I've never done anything to you, never even spoken a word to you. What is your problem with me? Tell me now so we can work this out RIGHT NOW." I was shaking like a leaf and fully prepared to get my clock cleaned in front of the whole school. The entire cafeteria fell silent. She looked at me like a deer in headlights. Without saying a word, she turned around, walked away and took her seat. And that was the end of that. She never bothered me again. It took probably 15 minutes for the adrenaline rush to subside and my heart rate to return to normal, but to this day, even if I'd gotten the crap beat out of me, it would have been 100% worth it.
Is this the first time you have talked about your bullying experience? I hope you felt that inner kindness spread throughout your body and mind as you released those thoughts and let them drift away. Being bullied is a tough experience to keep locked inside, even after all those years.
As a 7th grader, I was in a head-on collision that left me with a large bandage wrapped around my head. Empathy wasn't in the 7th grade dictionary at that time.
Thank you for sharing your story. You have probably stirred up memories for a lot of your readers. 💜
When my son was being bullied in 5th grade, I said the parent-y thing of just stay away. My son said when you tell me to stay away, you make this my problem, my responsibility. Gut punch. Immediate intervening!
Wow, that's an articulate and self-aware son you have. I'm impressed (with him and your parenting) that he was comfortable and capable of expressing that to you.
Re the NYPost article. This publication is usually pretty sensationalist and I have a difficult time placing confidence in their reporting, so much so that I use m6 time for more legitimate publications. Here is a different take on the story, just as legitimate as the NYP:
https://www.indy100.com/news/russian-soldiers-shooting-legs
It describes Russian soldiers shooting themselves so they can go home. I also understand that, so far, this video has been unable to be verified.
Of all the atrocities we has seen in Ukraine perpetrated by the Russians it is amazing we would so quickly focus on something like this - especially something unverified. Unless it is verified AND we see more evidence of this behavior, I believe it is Russian propaganda. Even if it were true, I would want to know what prompted this act.
Did these Russians provoke this kind of treatment? Did the alleged Ukrainian soldiers see these Russians hurting women and children and reacted? I could go on as these is so much we do not know. And if it is true, shooting them in the leg is far better than torture or outright killing them
I heard a comedian on local radio this morning make an interesting comment. If it had been "The Rock" (Dwayne Johnson) instead of Chris Rock on stage making the joke, Wil Smith would have stayed in his seat. It all depends on perspective.
I think the Ukrainian soldiers shooting Russian POWs in the legs after seeing women and children brutally murdered should be sent to bed without their dinner. Of course, no one in Ukraine has dinner now so... I don't intend levity on this subject. Again, it all depends on perspective.
Most bullies are cowards. Standing up to them and parental intervention (in school) is the way to go, at least in my experience.
I went to a rough city school where kids had knives. I saw some stuff go down, I tell you. You didn't get your books knocked off your desk - you got your teeth knocked out. You needed to either be tough or manage to act it well enough that you were left alone. But some of those kids, man, they could really fight.
It wasn’t the book knocker. It was the sheer hell at the previous school. I resolved that the only reaction that would work would be a complete over reaction to whatever tiny thing happened.
Will Smith was absolutely in the right when he confronted Chris Rock _verbally_. Rock's joke was out of line. Smith was 100% in the wrong when he assaulted Rock.
Respectfully, I disagree.
Someone commented but deleted asking why I liked this comment. It's about the phrase, "Respectfully, I disagree."
Will Smith was absolutely in the right to defend his wife _verbally_. Chris Rock's joke was distasteful and out of line, whether or not he knew why the lady had the hairstyle she did. Smith was 100% wrong to have assaulted Rock.
Yes. It may not have been the most gracious way of telling Chris Rock he (Rock) had gone too far.
Heck of a read Bill and thanks for that. Glad your folks could and did take action and that you did as well.
I moved often and was always big so as the new big guy I was last on any bully’s list. I think, hope, I stood up for others. I have a very low empathy level though which I now find even more interesting.
“Schladimir Scootin” is a clever rhyme. Today's read is relatable whether you've been bullied, a bully yourself, or have children or relatives who've been through this B.S. I call it. My 1st grader has already named two kids in his class that he refers to as "mean kids" at least to other kids but not to him. It's sad to realize that my 6 yrs old may be dealing with this type of ill behavior in class. I now question him after school each day to see how his day went and if anyone was mean in his class.
By the way, Will Smith should be ashamed of how he handled himself on stage. I would've been embarrassed if my husband did that to "protect me" and of course, we are not the Smiths. I believe there's a more subtle and civilized way to do it without violence and profanity. I was appalled and wished someone else was brave enough to StAnD uP to condemn it. Luckily for Will that it wasn't "The Rock" he hit. INTERVENE wins!
My goodness! Reading this, I was sure I was back in middle school. I’m a 4’9” woman, so, needless to say, I wasn’t very tall in middle school. I was constantly bullied by this person. She started fights with me once or twice a week. She was much taller. I never understood how a really tall person could start fights with a really short person and then brag about it, but it was middle school! I would fight back at first, then I just ran away. It never ended and I never told my mom. This person had a friend that lived next to me and it turned into a sexual abuse situation. I will spare you the details. Tell someone, report it! It could get worse, much worse, if it’s allowed to continue. I quit school in 9th grade. I was going to be a teacher.
Fast forward to today, and I rehab houses. I’m gray now but no taller. Subcontractors and contractors, come and go. But then there are those that want to fight. They want to argue. They are right, and you will go down agreeing with them or else! It feels the same as it did 40 years ago. I ask the same question.
Why?
Will Smith did not have right to touch Chris Rock. He laughed at the joke when it was told. If Jada had a problem, it should have been her fight. It's 2022, even a woman can protect herself. I noticed that when the joke about their open marriage was told, neither of them went up and slapped the woman who told it. Smith needs to get kicked out of the Academy for breaking the rules of conduct. Not everyone knew about Jada's medical issue. I wonder if Smith apologized because he knows the Academy has to take action against him. He was being a bully. There is no excuse at all for his behavior.
I happen to agree with you. That was neither the time nor the place to settle things. Mr Smith played the fool and is collecting the appropriate opprobrium for doing so.