Pamela’s story resonated with me regarding the “wants” list. After our second daughter was born, we moved into our second house. I felt that it was our dream house at the time. But after settling in the neighborhood, I found myself wanting a bigger house, like all my new neighbors were wanting and doing, using this house as a stepping stone to bigger houses (McMansions). As luck would have it, we never did move and I am grateful that we settled in and made this place our home. We raised three successful children and have a family business that our son is running. Who knows how our lives would have changed if we had chosen the bigger (not necessarily better) house. Be careful what you wish for. I agree - The best things in life are not things.
I think many of us could relate to Ms. Borens story; I know I do. ... except today I drive a Camry LS with all the bells and whistles. Life is good ( mostly ).
In that timeframe I rented an Astrovan for a weekend project. The first time I opened the driver's side door the sharp upper-right hand corner of the door hit me in the face and knocked my glasses off! That swoopy, curvy styling meant that the top corner of the door stuck out way too far to the right of the door handle. Just another one of many things fundamentally wrong with that abominable vehicle.
I loved Pamela's story but my comment is on a specific, technical aspect of her contribution: Bottom Line Up Front.
It's not a new concept but I'm always struck by how few people know it or use it. I coach all my staff to reread every email before they send it. Is it BLUF? If not, redo it and explain how this email affects the recipient, what you want, need or would like them to know, right away. Don't make them pan for the gold.
Though, as with Pamela's story, it's great if there is indeed some gold to come below the fold.
Pay to read that answer link... How useful. Almost seems like your comment was purely a bluf of its own unless we want to pay Harvard to read the answer. Not very genuine or worth writing unless you somehow benefit, huh? Thanks for reminding us what Pam was saying. The best things in life aren't things, they are lessons we learn while we persevere....and won't have to pay Harvard to obtain luckily.
I don't have a subscription to hbr, got that link from a Google search in order to share it and had no problem opening it. If you are having problems, copy the link and open it in an incognito tab (in Chrome). You're welcome.
This is one of the good habits I carried over from military days. It's good for both the reader and the writer as it forces you to think about what the bottom line actually is. But as you point out, sometimes the point isn't the bottom line; in something more creative or personal like Pam's essay, the reader journey and the telling is the point. Anyway good catch and thanks!
I love Pamela's story today. Life is a series of choices and events and sometimes the ones that seem the worst come with the greatest results. Another reminder to always look to the positive in any situation and as my grandfather used to say "when life throws stones, throw them back!"
In an unrelated comment about once a week I do not get the newsletter in the email and as it is the start of my morning I just go to the site and read it. Today was one such time, but no issue the 3 previous days.
I also appreciated this story & I’m so glad you shared it. I’ve recently been struck with numerous reminders that of all the things I have wished for, I always got what I Needed- and in hindsight (a gift of the 50’s) it was almost always better than what I’d wished for..😊
Life is a mix of joy and disappointments. Pamela’s life story is a good reminder that sometimes it’s a blessing NOT to get what we think we want (or think we need). In my mid-50’s now, I’ve been able to look back at the way God has directed my steps. That girl I wanted to marry back in university? Thank You, Lord, that didn’t happen. (And maybe she had a similar thought?) Being fired from my first job? Again, thank You, Lord. Not going into ordained ministry early on, and waiting a number of years? Good move, God; I wasn’t ready. I’m sure we all have similar stories, and even if we don’t always feel happy about the way things have gone, we can perhaps trust that there’s someone who’s looking out for us, who knows better than we do.
Great post! Even aside from how the 'wants' of life can be game changers, I find it amazing how one decision in life can often have a positive ripple effect in a person's life. It's the silver linings I am always looking for - for myself, for the people I work with and help. When we think back on it, often in the moment, we have no idea. But then one decision leads to another. I was in a similar situation (spousal abuse) but 2 years into my graduate degree, I up and left. I was fortunate to have support from family and friends. In the moment, I had no idea how my life would turn out, but that one decision, that one pivot, changed everything for me. It became my game changer in so many ways. It's remarkable what people can muster through and thrive, not just survive just putting one foot in front of the other and being open to life and to change. Wonderful story Pamela! thank you for sharing. And am very happy about how it all turned out for you.
It's been presented as a homily at church as well, and it is one of my favorites, and something try to remind myself of when something I really want does not work out.
Wow! I loved this - it spoke to me on so many levels. I want to be Pamela's friend! I am nearing 60 and am currently reinventing my life. I waited far too long to do so, but realize that living in 'what-if' world wasn't working for me and that life is too damn short to be in a crappy situation. Bravo to Pamela for taking her life into her own hands. The decision to do so isn't easy, and not very popular when you get to the nitty gritty of it, (and it's taken its toll on an adult child relationship), but in the end, I know I'm doing the right thing and I need to be patient(not my strong suit). Clearly I need to remember this story -- in the words of Garth Brooks, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"
Pamela’s story resonated with me regarding the “wants” list. After our second daughter was born, we moved into our second house. I felt that it was our dream house at the time. But after settling in the neighborhood, I found myself wanting a bigger house, like all my new neighbors were wanting and doing, using this house as a stepping stone to bigger houses (McMansions). As luck would have it, we never did move and I am grateful that we settled in and made this place our home. We raised three successful children and have a family business that our son is running. Who knows how our lives would have changed if we had chosen the bigger (not necessarily better) house. Be careful what you wish for. I agree - The best things in life are not things.
You are an inspiration!
I think many of us could relate to Ms. Borens story; I know I do. ... except today I drive a Camry LS with all the bells and whistles. Life is good ( mostly ).
In that timeframe I rented an Astrovan for a weekend project. The first time I opened the driver's side door the sharp upper-right hand corner of the door hit me in the face and knocked my glasses off! That swoopy, curvy styling meant that the top corner of the door stuck out way too far to the right of the door handle. Just another one of many things fundamentally wrong with that abominable vehicle.
Thanks so much for this post & link Brian. It was a great reminder about communicating effectively
What did the explorer say after finding water in three locations in the Sahara Desert? "Well, well, well."
That's an example of dry humor (and a dad joke).
I loved Pamela's story but my comment is on a specific, technical aspect of her contribution: Bottom Line Up Front.
It's not a new concept but I'm always struck by how few people know it or use it. I coach all my staff to reread every email before they send it. Is it BLUF? If not, redo it and explain how this email affects the recipient, what you want, need or would like them to know, right away. Don't make them pan for the gold.
Though, as with Pamela's story, it's great if there is indeed some gold to come below the fold.
HBR link on bluf emails: "How to Write Email with Military Precision" https://hbr.org/2016/11/how-to-write-email-with-military-precision#
Pay to read that answer link... How useful. Almost seems like your comment was purely a bluf of its own unless we want to pay Harvard to read the answer. Not very genuine or worth writing unless you somehow benefit, huh? Thanks for reminding us what Pam was saying. The best things in life aren't things, they are lessons we learn while we persevere....and won't have to pay Harvard to obtain luckily.
That's strange, I see it for free.
Well do you already have a subscription? If so .. was it good information? Care to share?
HBR has a free read cap per “link clicker”.
I don't have a subscription to hbr, got that link from a Google search in order to share it and had no problem opening it. If you are having problems, copy the link and open it in an incognito tab (in Chrome). You're welcome.
This is one of the good habits I carried over from military days. It's good for both the reader and the writer as it forces you to think about what the bottom line actually is. But as you point out, sometimes the point isn't the bottom line; in something more creative or personal like Pam's essay, the reader journey and the telling is the point. Anyway good catch and thanks!
Can’t find a paper version of The NY Times?
What are people using to line their birdcages?
I love Pamela's story today. Life is a series of choices and events and sometimes the ones that seem the worst come with the greatest results. Another reminder to always look to the positive in any situation and as my grandfather used to say "when life throws stones, throw them back!"
In an unrelated comment about once a week I do not get the newsletter in the email and as it is the start of my morning I just go to the site and read it. Today was one such time, but no issue the 3 previous days.
I also appreciated this story & I’m so glad you shared it. I’ve recently been struck with numerous reminders that of all the things I have wished for, I always got what I Needed- and in hindsight (a gift of the 50’s) it was almost always better than what I’d wished for..😊
Life is a mix of joy and disappointments. Pamela’s life story is a good reminder that sometimes it’s a blessing NOT to get what we think we want (or think we need). In my mid-50’s now, I’ve been able to look back at the way God has directed my steps. That girl I wanted to marry back in university? Thank You, Lord, that didn’t happen. (And maybe she had a similar thought?) Being fired from my first job? Again, thank You, Lord. Not going into ordained ministry early on, and waiting a number of years? Good move, God; I wasn’t ready. I’m sure we all have similar stories, and even if we don’t always feel happy about the way things have gone, we can perhaps trust that there’s someone who’s looking out for us, who knows better than we do.
Van story was wonderful. It triggered a lot to think about.
Thank you. I needed this reminder!
Great post! Even aside from how the 'wants' of life can be game changers, I find it amazing how one decision in life can often have a positive ripple effect in a person's life. It's the silver linings I am always looking for - for myself, for the people I work with and help. When we think back on it, often in the moment, we have no idea. But then one decision leads to another. I was in a similar situation (spousal abuse) but 2 years into my graduate degree, I up and left. I was fortunate to have support from family and friends. In the moment, I had no idea how my life would turn out, but that one decision, that one pivot, changed everything for me. It became my game changer in so many ways. It's remarkable what people can muster through and thrive, not just survive just putting one foot in front of the other and being open to life and to change. Wonderful story Pamela! thank you for sharing. And am very happy about how it all turned out for you.
To borrow from Garth Brooks....
"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"
I used the same song!!!!
I figured someone else would go there :)
It's been presented as a homily at church as well, and it is one of my favorites, and something try to remind myself of when something I really want does not work out.
Wow! I loved this - it spoke to me on so many levels. I want to be Pamela's friend! I am nearing 60 and am currently reinventing my life. I waited far too long to do so, but realize that living in 'what-if' world wasn't working for me and that life is too damn short to be in a crappy situation. Bravo to Pamela for taking her life into her own hands. The decision to do so isn't easy, and not very popular when you get to the nitty gritty of it, (and it's taken its toll on an adult child relationship), but in the end, I know I'm doing the right thing and I need to be patient(not my strong suit). Clearly I need to remember this story -- in the words of Garth Brooks, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"
I love everything about this story!! Thank you for sharing.