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Glenn B.'s avatar

One can deliver a message with high emotional intelligence without speaking in questions.

If you want to gauge buy-in or see if your words are reaching people as you intend them to, pause and ask.

Don’t speak in questions, or you’re already limiting the buy-in you’ll receive.

The difference is this: Speaking in questions comes across as though you are wondering if people are with you because you’re second-guessing yourself. However, if you speak with confidence, then pause and ask ”buy-in” or “with me” questions, you’re separating your position from the “do you get it?” from others.

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Cathy Pyrek's avatar

I take issue with three points.

First, I think it is a weak argument to suggest that the person speaking is seeking buy-in. If buy-in is truly the aim, I believe it is the responsibility of the speaker to pause and ask for buy-in. If I want to gauge whether or not people are on board with me, I ask them. If I speak as if I am unsure what I'm talking about (how that style sounds to me), then I have no expectation that anyone is going to chime in and say "hear, hear."

Second, these "generational" difference arguments always seem like a ploy to get older folks to acquiesce to something they disagree with so they won't be seen as an old fart. The first time I witnessed this speaking style was at least 30 years ago, from a woman very high up in the Fortune 100 organization I worked for, speaking to a group of women, who were mostly put off by her "valley girl speak." She was older and in a position of authority, decades ago. I didn't like it then, and I'm not convinced it's anything more than a tic now.

Finally, emotional intelligence is a worthwhile concept and I don't think it's something that should be hijacked by folks who want to claim that's what they've got when they do things others find weird.

But that's just, like, my opinion, man.

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