A not-insignificant number of Understandably found this newsletter as a result of some of my articles on emotional intelligence at Inc.com. One of my big influences on this subject is my colleague Justin Bariso, an American writer in Germany who is the author of the book
A corollary to Craig Ferguson’s, from I don’t know who: “if I don’t say this now, will I regret it later?
I checked out the photo of “The Beast”, though I can’t seem to download it here. It’s one of those “dumbest criminal” photos. “Look at me” faces. The only way he can escape capture is to hide in a hole somewhere. Good luck with that.
Emotional intelligence sounds like an oxymoron…after all emotions come from the heart and intelligence from the brain (yes all from the brain but definitely different parts!). Sometimes unpleasant things need to be voiced even when uncomfortable. The trick is to say it as kindly and honestly as possible with balanced emotions.
As for “the beast”, I can’t imagine the pain he endured (that would make anyone 😡 angry).
I highly recommend coaching for developing skills like emotional intelligence. Justin’s work is well worth your time. EQ is a simple concept that is quite difficult to master. And as Michael Jordan said, even the best (MJ included) need a coach.
The EQ formula is hierarchical. You have to master one level before working on the next.
Level one: self awareness
Level two: self management
Level three: social awareness
Level four: relationship management
Many, many people never make it to the end of level one.
I have a sad/humorous anecdote that relates to Justin Bariso's article. Years ago I worked with a girl from Germany, we had a mutual co-worker that we both considered a friend. Unfortunately our friend was a recovering alcoholic who lapsed in a big way. My German friend expressed concern to me by saying, "I really hope Susan can kick the bucket". Of course she meant habit- but I laughed and embarrassed her. (we are still friends 25 years later)
My Calm app had a quote today from Rumi,
Universe is speaking!!
For some reason I’m remembering/thinking that rather than “does this need to be said by me” or “does this need to be said now”, somewhere in there it should be asked, “is this true?”
And, the course sounds great, sign me up!
Great interview/talk with Justin. My husband is considering retiring next year. We're fine financially, I'm not ready to retire. However, I told him he needs to plan his purpose when he's not on the clock. I can't have him sitting around watching videos or playing games all day. Any articles or ideas to help plan retirement time?
Love the EQ stuff. I do that with clients and wow what an eye opener! but I will also check out Justin's work as it never hurts to do more. John Gottman is amazing! I use his work often and the 5:1 ratio really helps couples focus more on the positive rather than the negative - as we tend to do.
I just found out about the 3 questions rule from you and like Craig Ferguson I've been marry and divorced 3 times my friend. I'll be using this rule from now on and definitely on my 4th marriage if it comes along. Thank you Bill.
Provided info on many different aspects of EQ on a community radio show for over 20 years. It is the usage of all the tips and tools that can make a difference but you need to want to improve your communication...cause it is work!